Forgiveness for Abuse

Forgiveness isn’t easy for me for all the abuse I was shown by Toxic Tenants but I knew it was my only way to finally get past all of it.

I had to find a way, for myself. I have spent the past 2 years unconsciously proceeding to complete all of these steps and have finally reached the last one, showing compassion for them as they are ruining their own lives with their actions.

They are slowly turning everyone they come into contact with, against them by their aggressive behaviours and actions. Their actions have come to the attention of their local Police even!! Knowing that since the Fall, has also helped me a great deal.

I have dumped all of my pain in my writings, on this Blog and in my own journals. I have spent the past 2 years getting all my angst out, sharing some of my deepest fears and even some of my triumphs well.

I didn’t go exactly in this order and #2 was harder due to their continued aggression with their many websites, but I have found a way.

When HRTO was over, I made a big production out of ripping up all the printed documents I had received and it felt really good. I managed to move on for over a year, at least until I got the email from them on March 1, 2021.

I made the decision to make my own website and while at times I wish I could have just kept ignoring them, they showed me with that email that they weren’t ready yet to let it go and I had to protect myself.

It pissed me off that they wouldn’t leave me alone. It was over a year, and I was ignoring them and they couldn’t have that of course. They had to find some way to drag me down again. They did, but only for a little while. I took the opportunity to change my focus and put it on me, where it belonged.

I practiced these things every day…and slowly, over time, it helped me release all of the anger and resentment I had till I have no more…I still don’t like what they did, but I am not angry anymore. All I wish for now is for them to finally give up their losing battle of trying to turn people against me, and just let me be.

I realized I had to stop going frantic trying to get people to make them accountable for what they did, and just focus on how I thought about what they did. Once again they have become nameless and faceless, just their many traits on display in the words they sent me. Just as it should be…they are not individuals to me anymore, just toxic bullies who need my sympathy for being the way they are.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Six behavioral therapy steps to get you from hurt to happy.

Posted June 7, 2023 |  Reviewed by Kaja Perina


  • Choosing to forgive can be an act of self-liberation and personal growth.
  • Behavior therapy strategies to help forgive include seeking a new perspective with new experiences.
  • Prioritize your well-being and practice self-care as an essential part of the forgiveness process.

Are you struggling with resentment and bitterness from being hurt by someone? Choosing to forgive, even when you don’t feel like it, or they don’t deserve it, is about taking care of yourself despite their actions. Why should you give the person who hurt you more power over your life than they deserve?

You deserve better! In this post, I walk you through steps derived from behavior therapy to help you break free from bitterness and regain control of your life.

Remember: You don’t have to “feel” like doing it. You “choose” to do it to set yourself free and leave the past behind.

Let’s get started. After each step, repeat out loud each of what I call “Thought Shifter Declarations” to speed up the healing process:

Step 1. Acknowledge and express your pain.

Share your feelings and hurts with a trusted friend or loved one. Let it all out instead of burying or avoiding it. Release brings relief.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration: “I choose to let out all my pain openly and dump it, allowing myself to go free. As I let go of what they did to me, I unhook from them to move forward.”

Step 2. Reflect on your experience, and don’t look back.

Write down the details of what happened. Reflect on your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Once you’ve poured it all out in writing, make a conscious decision to let go. Symbolize your release from pain by tearing up or disposing of the written account.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration:“I release my pain and hurts, letting go of that person’s hold on me. I choose to move forward and replace bitterness with forgiveness. I have the strength to do it now.”

Step 3. Seek a new perspective with new experiences.

Invite self-reflection and introspection into your life to gain a fresh perspective. Shift your focus from the person who hurt you to what’s best for you now. Practice meditation, listen to self-help audiobooks, and use positive affirmations to explore new healing paths.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration: “I invite self-reflection and growth into my life. I choose to shift my focus from the person who hurt me to my well-being. I will only allow practices that nourish me and promote healing so I can move on.”

Step 4. Release control.

Recognize that seeking revenge or holding onto anger may only perpetuate your suffering. Choose to let go of the desire for retribution and surrender the old truth that says, “What goes around comes around.” Trust that things will unfold as they should as you move on.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration: “I release the need for control and surrender the outcome to the flow of life. I choose to let go of resentment so I can regain inner peace. I trust that things will unfold as they always do for good as I never look back.”

Step 5. Give yourself some TLC.

Prioritize your well-being and practice self-care as an essential part of the forgiveness process. You deserve the best, not the past. Nurture yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Engage in activities that bring you joy, laughter, and satisfaction. Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive relationships, and give yourself tender, loving care. Focus on present happiness, not past hurts. Become your own best friend.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration: “I prioritize self-care as a vital part of my healing process. I choose to nurture myself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I only surround myself with positivity and create a nurturing environment for my personal growth and well-being to celebrate my freedom!”

Step 6. Choose two-edged compassion.

Extend compassion and understanding not only to yourself but also to the person who hurt you. Recognize that everyone messes up and does things they regret. Join the club. Practice empathy and consider the stuff they may have been going through. By choosing compassion for yourself and them, you liberate yourself from the chains of resentment and open the door to healing and personal transformation. It’s called the freedom of forgiveness; give yourself this precious and priceless gift.

  • Thought Shifter Declaration: “I choose to extend compassion and understanding to myself and the person who hurt me. I recognize that we all blow it and have the potential for growth. By choosing compassionate action, I free myself from resentment and open the path to healing and personal transformation so I can move on.”

Choosing to forgive can be an act of self-liberation and personal growth. Following these behavioral therapy strategies can help you release the burden of pain and embrace inner peace. Remember, forgiveness is a journey that requires courage and commitment. Take the first step towards your freedom today.

Recalibrate yourself as you transform the pain into gain.

Charles Browning, Ph.D., is an author, therapist trainer, licensed therapist, and clinical director of Browning Therapy Group.

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