Being entangled with a Narcissistic Adult Tenant Bully, it gives you the opportunity to become a better person and learn how to speak up about the Abuse they put you through.
I started to notice my triggers, the things that were done or said that set off such a strong emotional reaction. Usually, it was a new post, filled with their poisonous interpretations of my words on a HRTO email or document, or a post from a angry free site I had. I will never understand how someone can take words of another and twist them so badly with their skewed views. I started to notice that all their words were based on HATE and so much resentment, you can’t help but feel it. I started to pause in my reactions, as it came to me that these people were determined to misunderstand me anyway and even if they know the truth, they will never acknowledge it. I found it was a waste of my time to talk to them at all.
I was wasting my time with what I was doing, all the back and forth over what they had online. This acceptance that no matter what I do or say, these Adult Tenant Bullies will do what they will do anyway. In the end, this thinking has allowed me to accept that some people are determined to misunderstand and misinterpret what you say and do in regards to them. As a result, if I see that someone is arguing with me over what I mean, it is time for me to walk away, to let them think what they want and save my energy. I am getting better at letting things go that I can’t control, not only with Bullies, but with everyone in my life. I am reacting better to triggers around me!
These triggers of mine, that use to trigger such hopelessness inside me, once I realized these Bullies were determined to misunderstand me, I started looking at myself and why my emotions were so strong over their actions and I came to realize it was my Ego that was upset over someone trying to ruin my reputation. I placed too much importance on it. I had thought my reputation was so important, not realizing it wasn’t. I came to realize it was already set in stone by this point, and false allegations being made by one tenant out of my whole career, is nothing really to worry about. I let my ego go these days as I am in a unique situation, as I am still so young with a lot of working years left, but I can retire and my reputation will be what it is. All my good work in various properties in Ontario is already done and not a thing a angry tenant says later will ever change all that.
I have also learned since that the property management industry as a whole, don’t really care what some random anonymous tenant who was evicted legitimately, writes online about a property and its staff, as there have been cases before of tenants doing things in revenge. People look at the legal decisions, not listen to angry tenants. Once the LTB process is done, and they filed and lost all other legal actions open to them, the reason for the eviction is very clearly set out in all released Judicial Orders. It wasn’t the first order issued like that and I am sure it won’t be the last. I once again, became confident in the judicial system of Ontario, no matter how slow they are, they base decisions on facts, not on angry emotions. They got it right and the truth prevailed, they broke the rules and caused their own eviction.
It pissed me off that these people were outright lying about the circumstances of their eviction and trying to hide it was caused by their own words and actions. My hopelessness came from the fact that I had tenant Bullies outright lying about me and putting very personal information online within a public domain for strangers to gawk at, that they gained thru legal process, that was peppered with their nasty insinuations and personal opinions, making me sound like a crazy lunatic who has no common sense and didn’t know what she was doing. They made me sound like a vengeful person, which I learned was projection, when in fact it is them seeking revenge. They still are! They are even redoing this site once again! http://sjtomemberkevinlundy.com/chapter-1-part-a/
I also felt they were attacking my character, especially when they don’t know me on a personal level. They invaded my personal life so much, I felt invaded and put on display. But, what they were showing was NOT ME at all. It was their INTERPRETATION of me, based on their own personal feelings about me, not on any facts they have. That was very demoralizing for me.
Having my personal info online like they did, being so sick and twisted with it, ate at my soul and hit my psyche very badly. I had to figure out why, and I did. I worked it out for myself and I am doing the inner work to fix it, every day. My strong insecurities are slowly being worked out and let go. You see, I already had PTSD from a house fire I had 31 yrs ago, in March 1991 and this situation just made the symptoms worse. It isn’t a new thing to me, which I am forever grateful, but the severe fear was a new one to me. I had so many tools already in my personal toolbox, it was just sidelined by my strong emotions at the time, but they have returned, with my determination to get thru this.
So here I am, once again, getting therapy for PTSD symptoms. Learning again to retrain my brain to go in the direction I want it too go, every day. I am learning about my emotions, and why I have them. I am learning about my own internal experiences and bringing all my focus back onto myself and my own feelings, not caring what Adult Tenant Bullies do anymore in my name online. I am resigned to their Smear Campaign, as I know there is nothing I can do to stop it, just what I am, protect my name and make it well known that the owner of stellareddy.com, is NOT Stella Reddy. All I can do about this, is make people aware that it is a Smear Campaign made by Narcissistic Adult Tenant Bullies. I have done all I could with that, so I am now focusing on myself and getting so strong that nothing anyone says to me or about me, won’t fizz on me at all. I am close….
In the past few months, I have been slowly opening up myself and my life to others, again. I am sharing my story of what happened to me with this severe bullying. I regret deleting my old Facebook, I had it for so long, but I have a new one that I am building filled with so much hope and psychologically helpful articles. I share my journey with my mental health recovery and share articles that have helped me. I also share a lot of helpful posters I have found. You will also see a lot of pictures of my home town, with all the beautiful scenery we have here.
The scenery here in NL is like nothing else in Canada and it is very helpful when recovery from abuse. The peace I find, sitting by the Ocean, feeling its pull, is like nothing else. The crash of the surf is music to my ears, the smell of the salt air, clears the cobwebs from my mind. I am at peace sitting in nature my home provides. Even my own backyard provides solace to me! It is filled with trees and grass, even flower beds I am going to fix up this spring. I will be doing a lot of gardening this year and will post how it turns out!
I don’t have many friends on there, yet, but am slowly adding more every day. I also share my website there now, most of my Facebook is set to Public and have it connected to Pinterest and Twitter. Since I released all the shame I felt for bringing this situation into my friends and families lives, I felt I could share my own domain containing my Story of being Bullied. I use to feel that no one wanted to see my thoughts online, to know what this situation did to me, but now I no longer care what anyone thinks. Sharing my story, is freeing to me and the benefits far outweigh the cons of it. I told my friends and family about my site, said read it or not, it’s up to them. Most have read it. I have been told that my words online show my progression towards getting better. I understand it is hard for people who care about me to read my words online in this site, it is important for them to see just what this really did to me. I am a totally different person now, I can feel it and my husband tells me every day how I have changed, for the better!
Yes, validation for your trauma is important. I have a need to be heard, for someone to read my story and tell me they hear me. I felt shut off for so long, shut down and minimized into non-existence by total strangers, even some people close to me who didn’t want this drama in their lives, that I now need that validation of being heard for my own voice.. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about validation as another human being with feelings and rights of her own. I am a person, not some labels placed on me by people who clearly show their hate towards my very being and who show they just do not know me like they claim.
I have a good solid support system these days, not just online with the people I have connected with, which is becoming more vast, but also in my life with making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, reconnecting with family I have lost over this period, and making new connections with support groups in my area, and I have a online counsellor I meet with once a week. As I said, I am more social, getting out and involved with other people and places. It has been very important to my mental health to face social situations and fight my fears.
I went to educate myself on Adult Bullies, Toxic people, and even Narcissism, that my doctor gave me. I read blogs and psychological articles, sometimes reading the same article more than once till the info sunk in to my brain, and called the Mental Health Helpline. Once I got a Doctor, I tried various medications till I found one that worked and even joined support groups. Since moving home, I have a online support system and have various people I can reach out too if I get bad again. It is very important for me to feel safe.
When I moved here, just going to the grocery store was a struggle, now it don’t bother me to go into a packed store with people all around. I even smile at people naturally now and chat with a few here and there. Newfoundlanders are very friendly bunch, we smile at everyone! I am natural now with people and places!
You have no idea how beautiful that is for me, after being filled with such terror for so long of social situations. I use to throw up with even the thought of being around people, even people I knew! I spent so long, trying to hide, even from my own husband. Fear like that has such a terrible effect on your life and I am so glad it is mostly gone!
I force myself to do these things, as I know it is the only way to get thru. Force yourself to do it, to feel the feelings and allow them to move thru you, see the situation for the reality it is; no one is mad at you there, no one is gonna attack you and put you down, or even beat you up, due to a strangers words online about you. No one around you even knows about those sites and there is no reason for them to even look. Even if they did, you are not that person portrayed there and they will see that. These were the thoughts in my head in social situations, all brought out by the severe Gaslighting done to me by these Tenant Adult Bullies.
I don’t think that way anymore thankfully! All the therapy I have had over the years, all the retraining of my brain I do on a daily basis, all the articles and blogs I read, and accepting my truth, has helped to release those thoughts in my head. I have the facts and these facts help to keep perspective on this situation for me. I came to see that my reputation is not important and people are welcome to say whatever they want about the work I did in my career, it is what it is. I now know that one lone voice of dissention against me and my work ethic, will not damage anything for my career. It is well known that tenants can get nasty, the internet is littered with articles on bad behaviour done by tenants to property and people.
I was given the name Stella, after my maternal grandmother, but it isn’t the name I use here. I grew up with a nickname, Lorrie. It was only with work in Ontario did I go by Stella, as it was easier with my ID’s being what they were, they wouldn’t allow nicknames on them. In the beginning of my carer in rentals, did I get people to call me by my nickname, but after awhile, with a new job, I gave up as it was a hassle. My family and friends call me Lorrie, always did, and it was confusing sometimes with others to hear my husband say that name! But, I prefer Lorrie. This also was a thought that saved me, using that name instead. Yes, My Bullies know the name, even had it on their sites, but don’t know the history of it. How could they?
I came to see that if their allegations were really true about me and my motives, that I was using my position to “target” just these tenants for an illegal eviction, and that I “altered and forged” documents to do so, then that meant I totally changed personality and work ethic all of a sudden after 16 yrs. They want people to think I completely changed, just for these tenants, and did these things that was totally out of character for me. I am sorry, but no tenant was ever worth me taking any chances of losing my job, and a place to live that went with it. Nor would I do anything against the rules, as I become well known for following them! I came to accept the very well known facts of my working career and I know for a fact that no one in my history will ever accept the allegations within those domains about me. I have been shown this thinking to be true by all the people who have reached out to me since those sites came online, all in support! I have been shown that no one believes them and that is all I needed.
I do get a lot of validation these days, but the most important one is from myself. My feelings are valid over the severe abuse shown to me by these Adult Tenant Bullies. and no one will ever shame me into silence ever again.