Education is the Key For ME!

I survived

Excerpt below is from a workbook I got yesterday that I wanted to share here today. It took me one day to go through this workbook, it isn’t big but has a lot of very good info there. There are questions at the end of every chapter to help you too! I liked this book.

There are many types of abuse, and I have come to see that the Abuse and Smear Campaign I endure still, is a unique situation. I haven’t been able to find another situation similar to mine, being abused by a Tenant of an apartment building I worked in. I know it happens, I worked in the industry for 16 yrs so I saw a lot of injustice towards Building Staff done by Tenants, even put up with some myself. In my job, I took part in this Tenants eviction and that action brought down the Rage of a Narcissistic Adult Bully, who became so intent on ruining my reputation and destroying my personal life as a result. He went after everyone involved in their eviction! He got mad and seeks revenge for their eviction and created a elaborate smear campaign within various domains where the content is so malicious and nasty. I don’t doubt that anymore. The evidence is there in their content online. I see it very clearly now.

One thing has become very clear to me though. I still have a lot of resentment to work through over this situation, but I am way further ahead that I was this time last year. I am grateful I have the willpower to keep going and fighting for my personal rights. I always will now. Never again will I give into fear. Every day, my affirmations and self-care brings me closer to total calmness. I am empowered.

I hung onto something during those 2 years and after getting a call from the lawyer for the owners one day, this little spark fanned into a flame and I did my first website, mytruthoftenantbullies.com. I got mad then, still am to a point, over someone else thinking they had authority to tell me what to do. I didn’t work for the owners anymore, I had no obligation to them to “stay quiet” and stop defending myself, online or off. I refused to give in to the demands of others, just so THEY could be comfortable. Just like these Adult Tenant Bullies, they have no authority over me either and what I do. They can believe they are “testing” me all they want in their delusional world, reality is they don’t have the authority to do any of that.

I always found it really funny that these Adult Tenant Bullies went on and on about their personal rights under the Charter, yet here they are totally ignoring my personal rights. They bitch and moan about how no one spoke up on their behalf and picked up for them during any process, yet here he was destroying my personal rights at the same time.  All the rights they share online also apply to myself and everyone else, but they blatantly ignore that, of course. The hypocrisy is terrible from these Bullies and so obvious! The more education I get, the better I feel.

This little excerpt below tell my tale of what I am achieving. I accepted this Bullying, isn’t about me, but more about them and their wanting to be right, to be special, and to be accepted for what they say. These Bullies think they are the authority over my life and what I do. Kory Read is a very unreasonable person, and his toxicity did drive me a little insane during HRTO process, as they were persistent in their tierany. Constant barrage of insults and name-calling in attempts to wear me down and force me to give up. His continual gaslighting wore me out, it easy to see it in my writing from that time.

Even now, they continue to pretend they have influence over people in my life and who associates with me, they don’t see these actions prove I am being bullied by them. The constant barrage trying to make me feel guilty for causing their eviction, implying I did it illegally. I got so caught up in all that “mish-mash” during HRTO, it took over. I am so glad that is OVER! No more hijacking my mind!

It was just totally unreasonable to expect me to allow them to break the rules and give him a pat on the back for doing so! I don’t work that way, no one should, but that was what they wanted. They proceeded to pretend I am to blame, that my evicting them was illegal and they are the victims while totally avoiding writing about their own actions. But, you can see it anyway in the documents they so kindly shared. All the legal reasons they were evicted don’t just disappear because they ignore them!

I had to stop my emotional reactions, pause and look at the science of this situation. I have learned so much and will keep learning more, every day! I see now that their writing shows their own perceptions of people and life. It shows they have so much hate and resentment for authority figures, who they think has some control over anything they have to do, and people who are doing better in life than they are. Even the RooseveltSkerrit.com site showed that! Kory Read is a control freak, who believes he is special and deserving of special treatment. His conversation with one of the owners, while waiting for HRTO and Divisional Court, tells the tale of how he wanted the owner to “fix” it, so they could stay. Always trying to cajole others into their way of thinking!

The fact that they couldn’t control entry to the apartment they lived in, was what drove them in this case. They didn’t like how strong I was in my working convictions. They wanted total authority to do whatever they wanted in that apartment, of who entered and when, even going so far as to print out documents on BBQ safety to bring to the office to slap on my desk and tell me how wrong I am, just so they can keep using their BBQ and to hell with their neighbors who were bothered by the smoke!

Of course, their needs were always more important than anyone else’s. Nothing shows that more than the parking issue! Claiming that we take a parking spot away from a paying tenant so they could have it, for free, and even complaining over my 2 cars there! They attempted to show their authority over everyone with the deductions in rent for a toaster oven and even threatened to take off rent for a parking ticket, for breaking the parking rules! Who does that? I saw the arrogance in these actions. Just like I saw so much arrogance in all their actions! These things are all so terrible for them to do, yet they see nothing wrong with it all. http://stellareddy.com/

These emotional reactions to their antics is what I am minimizing, otherwise it will drive me crazy. I got caught up in it all before but I know I won’t anymore. I recover my emotional distance a lot faster than ever before! They are who and what they are. I can only control myself and do whatever I can to manage the emotional reactions to their antics. It will be a lifelong process for me but I am up for it, always.

I deserve to have a good life, free of Adult Tenant Bullies and I am striving for that and I know I will get it. I started this website last year out of anger, but it turned into a learning journey for me instead. I have learned from others on here and I am forever grateful to them for having the courage to share their stories for me to learn from, just as I hope my story helps them.

Supporting each other, is what living is all about, not tearing each other down. Never accept the stories about me from someone else, it isn’t their story to tell! 

All these websites they make, is just for their benefit, to get attention, looking for anyone to validate them and what they believe. They spend their content tearing down other people, to make themselves look good. I will leave them to it and keep learning on their tactics so I can protect my mental health! They are welcome to continue with their Hate of me, it don’t bother me not affect me in the slightest! Why should it? They are not important to me so their opinions have no value.

Rise Above them

 It is about them, not you; you have got to know this. Toxic individuals make you insane because their conduct is so unreasonable. Furthermore, because the “feeling guilty” button is huge on many of us, even the suggestion that we may have accomplished something incorrectly can hurt our certainty and agitate our determination. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, their conduct conflicts with reason. So for what reason do you permit yourself to react to them genuinely and get sucked in with the general mish-mash? The more nonsensical and misguided somebody is, the simpler it ought to be for you to eliminate yourself from their snares. Stop attempting to beat them unexpectedly at their own game. Distancing yourself from them emotionally and approach your relationships like they’re a science task (or you’re their therapist). You don’t have to react to the emotional disorder—just the realities. What your abuser state and do, and the suppositions they have, depend altogether on their self-reflection.

Gaslighting Recovery Workbook
How to Recognize Manipulation, Overcome Narcissistic Abuse, Let Go, and Heal from Toxic Relationships

PUBLISHED BY: Amy White
©Copyright 2020 – All rights reserved.

Types of Abuse

 Different forms of abuse have been generally recognized to occur within relationships. Four types of abuse exist ( Good Therapy, 2019; Jared Justice, 2019a; Lancer, 2020):

 4  Emotional or Psychological Abuse: This is a chronic manipulation pattern to control another person (such as who they communicate with and the person). Tactics employed are; verbal attacks, intimidation, humiliation, isolation, or threats. A person may also utilize gaslighting to make a target question their memories.

 Other Types of Abuse

  1. a) Verbal abuse – Any derogatory language that abusers use to denigrate or threaten a victim. This includes belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, sarcasm, raging, opposing, undermining, interrupting, blocking, and name-calling.
  2. b) Technological Abuse – Is similar to cyberbullying. It occurs when a batterer uses technology, such as social media, to harass, stalk, or intimidate a victim.
  3. c) Spiritual Abuse – Spiritual abuse is anything that gets in the way of the victim doing something that causes them to feel great about themselves. More so, spiritual abuse is when a partner does not let the other practice their own moral or religious beliefs or their own culture or values, that is, the use of spiritual or religious beliefs to harm, scare or control any person.
  4. d) Manipulation – Indirectly influences someone to behave in a way that promotes the manipulator’s goals such that the words seem harmless and even complimentary openly, but underneath, one feels demeaned.
  5. e) Gaslighting makes one distrust one’s perceptions of reality intentionally or believes that one is mentally incompetent.
  6. f) Competition – This is contesting to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means, such as cheating in a game.
  7. g) Sabotage – It is a disruptive interference with one’s endeavors or relationships to seek revenge or personal advantage.
  8. h) Lying – It refers to a persistent deception to avoid responsibility.
  9. i) Withholding – It includes withholding such things as money, sex, communication, or affection from one.
  10. j) Character Assassination or Slander – This entails spreading malicious gossip or lies about someone to others.
  11. k) Negative Contrasting – It is making comparisons unnecessarily to contrast someone with other people negatively.
  12. l) Exploitation and Objectification – It means taking advantage of one for personal ends without regard for one’s feelings or needs.
  13. m) Neglect – It is ignoring the needs of a child for whom the abuser is responsible. It includes child endangerment, that is, placing or leaving a child in a dangerous situation.
  14. n) Privacy Invasion – It means ignoring one’s boundaries by looking through one’s things, phone, mail, denying one’s physical privacy, or stalking or following one.
  15. o) Violence – Violence includes blocking one’s movement, throwing things, or destroying one’s property.
  16. p) Isolation – This separates one from friends, family, or access to outside services and supports through control, manipulation, verbal abuse, character assassination, or other abuse means.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

 Some people believe the thought that no problem exists once the abuse is not physical; nevertheless, other methods of abuse can end up being much more harmful to the mental health of a victim. Emotional and psychological abuse is both quite different from physical abuse, and although they do not leave physical scars, they can become just as destructive. They result in long-term damage to the victim’s mental health.

 Emotional abuse is also commonly known as psychological abuse or chronic verbal aggression. It is any act (including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, degrading, intimidation, infantile treatment, or other treatment) that may reduce the victim’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth (Tracy, 2012a). Emotional abuse also refers to the type of abuse that influences someone’s feelings, that is, an attempt to govern the other person using the victim’s emotions as the weapon of choice. Emotional abuse impairs emotional life and hinders personal development. Emotional abuse takes place when resentment starts to outweigh compassion such that there is a translation of the resents—that resentment to harsh words, lack of care, and unfair behavior to one’s partner.

 Psychological abuse is also referred to as psychological violence or mental abuse. It involves trauma to the victim via various other abusive behaviors used to control, terrorize, and denigrate victims. Psychological abuse aims to manipulate, hurt, weaken, or frighten a person mentally and emotionally, distorting, confusing, or influencing a person’s thoughts and actions within their everyday lives, changing their sense of self and harming their well-being (Kaukinen, 2004). Additionally, psychological abuse is usually placed at intervals with warmth and kindness to create emotional confusion. Psychological maltreatment can destroy close and trusted relationships, friendships, and even your relationship with yourself. (Tracy, 2012b).

 Signs and Symptoms of Emotional and Psychological Abuse

 Abusers employ a wide range of hidden tactics to maintain control and brainwash their victims. Some signs and symptoms of emotional and psychological abuse so also, their respective examples include (Tracy, 2012; Pietrangelo, 2018; Jared Justice, 2019b; 1800Respect, 2020):

 1  Humiliation, negating, criticizing – These tactics are meant to undermine a person’s self-esteem such that the abuse is harsh and relentless in both big and small matters. Some common examples are:

  1. a) Name-calling – The abusers will call the victims all sorts of names, such as “stupid,” “loser,” etc.
  2. b) Character assassination – This usually involves the use of the word “always” (such as you are always late, wrong, etc.)
  3. c) Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to cause intimidation and make victims feel small and unimportant.
  4. d) Public embarrassment – The abusers pick fights, expose the victims’ secrets, or make fun of their shortcomings in public or the presence of family, friends, support workers, or associates.
  5. e) Belittling victims’ accomplishments – Abusers might tell victims that their achievements mean nothing and may even claim responsibility for their success. Instead of congratulatory, abusers take the initiative to belittle victims, whether by ignoring, shaming, or criticizing.
  6. f) Sarcasm – This entails ridiculing victims such that when victims object, the abusers will claim to be teasing them and tell them to stop taking everything so seriously.
  7. g) Joking – The jokes might contain an iota of truth to the abusers or be a complete fabrication, all aimed at making victims look foolish.
  8. h) Insulting victims’ appearance – Abusers make comments about victims’ looks, such as ugly hair.

 2  Control and shame – This aims at making one feel ashamed of one’s inadequacies. The tools employed are:

  1. a) Threats – Threatening to harm a person, the person’s pets, children, or other people who are essential in such a way to get the person not to leave them.
  2. b) Financial control – They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make one ask for money. One might also be expected to account for every penny spent.
  3. c) Direct orders – This involves issuing orders which are expected to be followed despite one’s contrary plans.
  4. d) Digital spying – They might check one’s internet history, emails, texts, call logs, and even demand one’s password.
  5. e) Monitoring one’s whereabouts – The abusers want to know where one is all the time and insist that one responds to calls or texts immediately. More so, they might show up just to see if one is where one is supposed to be.
  6. f) Treating one like a child – They instruct one on what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends to be seen.
  7. g) Feigned helplessness – They know it is sometimes easier to do things by oneself than to explain it. Instead, they take advantage of this and say they don’t know how to do something.
  8. h) Unpredictability – They tend to explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower one with affection, or become dark and moody at times.

 3  Accusing, blaming, and denial – This behavior arises from an abuser’s insecurities. They want to produce a hierarchy in which they are topmost, and one is at the bottom. Some examples include:

 1  Blaming one for their problems – Whatever is wrong in their lives is one’s fault; hence, they utter words like one is not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, etc.

 2  Jealousy – They accuse one of flirting or cheating on them.

 3  Turning the tables – They say one is the originator of their rage and control issues by being in such a pain.

 4  Denying something real – An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place to question one’s memory and sanity. This is called gaslighting. It entails telling a person that their actions are crazy or that such is not remembering something correctly or always correcting what a person says intending to make such a look or feel foolish.

 5  Goading then blaming – Abusers know just how to upset a person such that once the trouble starts, they blame the person for creating it.

 6  Denying their abuse – When one complains about the attacks of abusers, they will deny it, apparently bewildered at the very thought of it.

 7  Accusing one of abuse – Abusers blame one of having anger and control issues; meanwhile, they are the helpless victims.

 8  Trivializing – When one wants to talk about one’s feelings that were hurt, abusers accuse one of the overreacting and manufacturing mountains out of molehills.

  1. Emotional neglect and isolation – Abusers tend to place their personal needs ahead of their own, thereby trying to come between one and people who are supportive of making one more dependent on them. They do this by:
  2. a) Demanding respect – No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them.
  3. b) Shutting down communication – They will ignore one’s attempts to converse with them in person, by text, or phone.
  4. c) Dehumanizing one – They will look away when talking or stare at something else when they speak to one.
  5. d) Keeping one from socializing – Whenever one has plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or plead with one not to go. e) Trying to come between one and one’s family – They will tell family members that one doesn’t want to attend to them or make excuses for making family functions.
  6. f) Interrupting – Whenever one is occupied with something, such as being on the phone, etc., abusers get in one’s face to shift one’s attention to them.
  7. g) Indifference – They are aware that one is hurt or crying yet, do nothing.
  8. h) Disputing one’s feelings – Whatever one’s sense(s) is/are, abusers will point to one as wrong to feel that way or doubt the authenticity of such feelings.

 Effects of Emotional and Psychological Abuse

 The impact of emotional and psychological abuse could either be short or long term (Pietrangelo, 2019). Short-term effects are:

  1. a) Denial
  2. b) Confusion
  3. c) Fear
  4. d) Hopelessness
  5. e) Shame
  6. f) Increased heartbeat
  7. g) Aches and pains
  8. h) Muscle tension
  9. i) Moodiness

 Long-term effects include:

  1. a) Low self-esteem
  2. b) Depression
  3. c) Anxiety
  4. d) Chronic pain
  5. e) Guilt
  6. f) Addiction
  7. g) Insomnia
  8. h) Loneliness

 Ending Emotional and Psychological Abusive Behaviors

 The steps necessary to stop emotional and psychologically abusive behaviors include (Pietrangelo, 2018; Jared Justice, 2019b):

  1. a) Work on tackling resentment – Once you have more compassion for yourself, one will be enabled to show more careful thought for the people around.
  2. b) Stop rationalizing abusive behaviors – You need first to recognize the rude comments, jealousy, and other actions to finish them off.
  3. c) Recognizing that an unintentional abuse is still abuse – You may not want to hurt the abuser, but that doesn’t mean your behavior is okay.
  4. d) Accepting that the abuse is not one’s responsibility – You should not try to reason with the abuser(s). You may want to assist, but it’s unlikely they will break this behavior pattern without professional counseling.
  5. e) Disengaging and setting personal boundaries – Make a decision not to respond to abuse or get sucked into arguments, stick to it, and limit exposure to the abuser as much as possible.
  6. f) Exiting the relationship or circumstance – If possible, cut all ties. Make it clear that it’s over and don’t look back.
  7. g) Giving yourself time to heal – Reach out to supportive friends and family members; or a teacher or guidance counselor who can help in recovery.
  8. h) Seeking help by speaking with a doctor or mental health professional – They can help work on the inner issues you are having with yourself.

 Takeaways

 ✓ Abuse is when a person intentionally hurts another ceaselessly.

 ✓ Abuse exists in various forms and through different sources.

 ✓ Abuse usually entails the words and actions of an abuser(s) and their persistence.

 ✓ Emotional abuse is also commonly known as psychological abuse.

 ✓ Emotional and psychological abuse involves someone saying or doing things to make another person feel bad.

 ✓ Emotional and psychological abuse can happen to anyone (children, teens, and adults).

 ✓ Signs associated with emotional and psychological abuse are:

  1. a) Humiliation, negating, and criticizing.
  2. b) Control and shame
  3. c) Accusing, blaming, and denial
  4. d) Emotional neglect and isolation
  5. e) Codependency

 ✓ Emotional and psychologically abusive behaviors can have severe and devastating impacts on victims in the long run; hence, impacting the person’s ability to parent, work, socialize, and function generally day-to-day.

 ✓ Both abusive behaviors should be stopped once noticed.

 

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: