Defeating A Narcissist With Space & Time

In the End

Over the past few months, I have reached such clarity over my situation and finally starting to see the reality of it all. Counselling helps too!

I have come to see I have finally defeated my Narcissistic Adult Tenant Bullies, with all the space and time it has taken to get to this point. It took understanding how I defeated them to finally get peace of mind. How I did it, is below. I look at the logic of it, not my emotions.

When I started writing on this site, I did it out of anger for the email he sent me March 1 2020. I was living in NL 6 months by this point and was getting comfortable going out on my own. I got angry, as up till that point I left them alone and was ignoring them, starting to get over my fear of going out in public around other people, then I get a email that started it up all over again, and I got mad. I am glad I did!

By writing this site, and re-reading so many documents, and all the counselling, I came to see that by sharing my story, writing it all out and knowing it will be found with those sites, I started feeling better, safer. I felt safe knowing that if someone did search my name, they would also find my site and my side, and I felt better. It was beneficial to me to have my own site! I have since decided to keep it for as long as I can, I may even upgrade!

As you can tell, it made them even more angry and obnoxious, as they reposted their domains, sending them to the Internet Archive instead to their old sites as they were, except for stellareddy.com and sjtomemberkevinlundy.com/go. They are scrambling and desperate and I can tell these days. People are going to laugh at the wording in this new site, I know I did when I saw it. Such arrogance and entitlement being expressed there, in such short paragraphs! The links go nowhere too! Who is going to look at that? I know they did it, no matter what it looks like, so it will be found with mine, tho there is nothing of substance on there. It truly don’t bother me anymore, I have become very confident in myself and know what they do and why, now. This knowledge I have gained in my recovery, is what helps me stay strong and KNOW!

By trying to save money on it, I went with a cheaper host, but of course they got it removed. So, I reached out, once again to Orangewebsite, this time not in complaint over their sites, but asking for a discount so I can get my own site on their servers so I can finally fight back and know it will stay online. I figured being on the same server, he couldn’t complain and get it removed, could he? I do assume he did complain though, as 3 months later, their sites were gone from the servers. I assume that either they stopped paying the fees, out of spite for them giving me a hosting, or they just couldn’t afford it anymore, as it isn’t cheap hosting. It is a free speech server after all and costs more…

When I stood my ground with Adult Tenant Bullies and filed for the eviction, after they were so obnoxious with the name calling when I went to the door Aug 24, 2017, I understand I caused narcissistic injury, which caused the escalation of the Bullying with domains online, that came Nov 2, 2017 that year. 

Every action I have done, personally, has defeated the narcissistic adult tenant bully, as I refused to give them their way. I will never give in to their gaslighting ever again and their words will no longer cause any emotions within me. I have taken back full control. 

Everything noted in the article below, is applicable to my situation. This article helped me feel better, as I now know that I wasn’t a total wuss and did what everyone wanted me to do. I did stand my ground, and I am forever grateful I did too! I live in gratitude that I am the way I am and that I have the determination to fight wrongs in my name being done by a narcissistic bully, no matter how hard it is. Time is always my saviour and could be yours too!

It took time for me to see the truth of this for myself.

Even though I did give in to others, I didn’t totally do it in my own mind, which I came to realize helped to save my sanity a bit. I may have did it physically, but not mentally, and it made a difference to my mental state. By keeping a part of myself that knows what is going on is totally wrong, I was able to keep a little hope that it would all end, in time. I even wrote in some of my responses to HRTO, that I knew in time the truth would be exposed, which is has been.

I didn’t know the truth was already exposed and that people could see it, as I was overwhelmed with too much fear to see for myself at that time. I didn’t want to listen to others when they told me the same thing either, I was too afraid.

I sat there in this apartment building for almost 3 yrs waiting for all the legal actions with Divisional Court and HRTO to be over, from November 2017 till the HRTO hearing in January 2020, so the property owners could take them to Civil Court.

I had hoped that with the Civil Court decision we would get, we could get the sites taken down and I would have documented proof that these tenant were outright lying about me and the situation. At least I would have something in writing showing they are liars, and it would help me feel safer. 

After all that, in March 2020, I was told they changed their minds and wouldn’t be taking them to Civil Court. Once again, they were going to ignore it all and hope it went away. I went home the same day and told my husband I could not stay there any longer the situation was not going to go away, as the sites were not going to go away any time soon, and I could not deal with the fear anymore. The owners refused to once again deal with the situation. I went looking for help and answers with Ministry of Labour. 

The Ministry of Labour is there for situations like this, under Health and Safety. I knew what the owners were doing with ignoring the situation was wrong under these rules, and I wanted to see what we could do. They gave me some fantastic advice and from March 2020 till June 2020, we went thru mediation with lawyers and reached a settlement. This settlement was what we used to move back to NL. You don’t screw over your employees, as the employee can make you accountable for it. I do have documentation showing what I went through was wrong and someone was held accountable for it in the legal realm.

I may not have gotten validation from my own personal legal applications, I did get it from Adult Tenant Bullies. They did eventually lose all their applications against me and got nothing out of it, except more debt for themselves. They didn’t get any satisfaction from posting their 6 domains online about me either, nothing came out in their support in the 5 1/2 yrs of having a domain online. I am still here, living my life free of them!!! 

I got out of it all and got away. I ended up in a way better place, being far better off, than if I had stayed there. 

I have defeated my Narcissist! 

 

7 Signs You Have Defeated The Narcissist

 The narcissist abandoned who they really are a long time ago. They believed that who they were wasn’t good enough, so they created a false self. They created this ideal image which is meant to be perfect. It’s meant to be better than everyone. It’s always self-absorbed because the false self isn’t real; it is dependent on other people’s validation.

Narcissists don’t have the capacity to care about anyone else- they have nothing to give. They’re just trying to get as much as they can for themselves and you have to treat them a certain way for their false self to continue its existence. You have to keep propping it up, which is why it will seem like they are so dependent on you. They always need your attention and admiration and they always need your validation.

The narcissist always needs your emotional support because that keeps the false character alive. If they can get you to believe that it’s real, it makes it more believable for them, but, of course, it isn’t real; it is a false character. When you refuse to prop up this false character, it will fall apart because it has no foundation or structure.

It’s built on lies, and it was built on the intention of manipulating people so that they could get what they want, which is why when they don’t get what they want, when you don’t attend to them or admire them, it destroys the illusion, it defeats the false character.

And when that happens, you will see another side of them, a side of them that is very dangerous, and likely to cause problems for you. And when you see this, you will know that you have defeated them.

 

  1. They Can’t Get Their Way.

 You have defeated the narcissist when they can’t get their way, when they can’t do what they want. They will try to deceive you by concealing or misrepresenting the truth and they will do anything to manipulate and control you, to get you to do what they want. But if you say “No”, if you refuse to do it, it destroys their false self because the false self is dependent on people doing whatever they need them to do.

 In their minds, when you say “No”, it means that they’re not deserving or they’re not good enough, so it destroys their false self and makes them very angry. They will act in an offense of a bad-mannered way.

  1. When They’re Not The Center of Attention.

The narcissist always has to be the center of attention. They expect the world to revolve around them, they expect everything to be about them, and they believe that no one else should be admired or praised except them. But if you refuse to treat them as a center of attention, if you refuse to cater to their every demand, it will destroy their false self.

  1. Criticism.

Narcissists cannot deal with criticism. They expect everyone to see them as being perfect, as being the ideal standard for what everyone else should be trying to attain. When you express disapproval of their false mistakes, it defeats the false self.

They cannot deal with criticism because they have an inflated ego, they have an unrealistic standard and expectation of themselves, and they would rather live in this fantasy than accept reality; whatever allows them to feel better about themselves and to get them the things they need. But when you criticize them, it will cause a narcissistic injury, which will be followed by narcissistic rage.

  1. When They’re Caught Doing Something Wrong.

When they’re caught going against social norms, when they’re caught breaking the rules or disregarding someone’s boundaries. Narcissists are pathological liars. They will do whatever it takes to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.  But when they’re caught in the act, they will behave in an offensive and indecent way.

The narcissist may become extremely annoying and insulting. They may become violent and unrestrained. At that point, they will have no regard for morality.

  1. When You Try To Hold Them Accountable For Their Actions.

An easy way to defeat a narcissist is to try to make them take responsibility for their actions. They don’t believe that they’re ever wrong and they think that everything they do is right; everything they do is justified. They think there’s a reasonable excuse for why they’re doing it, so you have no right to question or confront them. But if you force them to take responsibility for their actions, you have defeated the narcissist.

  1. When They’re Not Granted Privileges or Special Treatment.

The narcissist has a strong sense of entitlement. They believe they are inherently deserving of privileges and special treatment. They believe they should have whatever they want whenever they want it, and no one has the right to deny them.

 But if you do say No to the narcissist, they will become very angry. They will behave in an unacceptable way and they will insult you and put you down. They will say you never do anything for them and they will say that you’re selfish because the survival of their false self is dependent on you doing whatever they want. You have to let them get their way for them to feel like there’s something significant or important.

  1. If You Don’t Agree With Their Opinions or Ideas.

The narcissist’s false self depends on validation. It depends on people agreeing with them. If you don’t agree with their opinions or ideas, they will feel like their reality is under attack. They will become anxious to prove their point to you and they will try to get you to see things their way.

But if you continue to disagree with them, they will feel invalidated and the illusion will fall apart. They may become angry or they may give you the silent treatment. When the narcissist begins to act in a manner that deviates from what is normal or usual, it’s because they’ve suffered a blow to their inflated egos, and that is when you know you have defeated them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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