I spent the afternoon yesterday sitting by the Atlantic Ocean at the Harbourfront, reflecting on all I have learned over the past couple of years. It has been a lot!!
I have read so many articles and posters I can now quote some of them… It is sometimes a little overwhelming, but I am okay with it all. Rebuilding my self-esteem is an ongoing process…I will maintain it for the rest of my life!
How I regard myself is the cornerstone of my mental and emotional health and rebuilding that after being gaslighted so badly by Toxic Tenants has been hard, but it was required. I had to remember who I was, deep down inside, and stop reflecting on what someone else was calling me. I am not as they represent me to be.
I sat by the water yesterday for about an hour, just letting my thoughts flow and walked away feeling very at peace with myself and where I am at this stage of life and recovery.
I felt that my reality was altered through the slow process of their gaslighting and manipulations. I was traumatized, confounded, and confused and wondering what hit me and it was hard to function. Mindfulness got me out of that rumination, thankfully.
As my every act and word I said was called racist and discriminatory, right down to the most minuscule, I felt like my very existence was abhorrent.
Getting past all that toxic shame placed on me by the continuous accusations by someone else wasn’t easy but with help and time, I have done so by reading and following along with the guide of articles like this one below on self-esteem.
I remembered who I was, my own values and beliefs, and remembered all that I have already endured and came to see I can get through this too. I am strong and resilient.
It has empowered me and given me the strength to keep going. I am worthy to exist and live my own life, not a life based on others’ perceptions and opinions, like Toxic Adult Bullies I had as Tenants…
I am retired and have no need for validation and approval from others anymore, I can make my life into whatever I want it to be. I choose to live in solitude, as it is peaceful. My ability to trust has been damaged but I am trying to rebuild it!
I have my online friends, a few I spend time with, family, and most importantly, my husband. I don’t need many people in my life for me to be content, as I have found contentment within myself! I love that I can spend my days doing what I want to do, not what I need to do! No one depends on me anymore and I like it that way.
I am trying hard to rebuild my faith and trust in humanity and the people here have helped me with that quite a bit. Everyone is so friendly here and it is easy to tell there is a Community feel here with people looking out for each other.
I go out, like yesterday, and have grand conversations with people I see, like the young man at the store I frequent who now knows my name and knows what I look for there, the gentlemen getting their boat ready for an excursion out to sea, and an older couple I met on the sidewalk while waiting for hubby to get off work. So many people I come across who stop to chat have shown me just how safe I am here, so much so that I no longer worry about it!!
Yes, I do get recognized for my Facebook Profile here by some I meet out in the Community! It doesn’t scare me anymore as I realized it shouldn’t.
I have become very content with this life.
I have a few doctor appointments coming up in the next couple of months to find out the status of some of the health issues I have. I mentioned before that I have spinal stenosis that they believe is spreading down my spine. This is the most debilitating issue I have as it affects my mobility more than the arthritis I have in my knees and hips.
Chronic pain is hard to manage most days but I fight the pain every day to do things, like type on my blog, as it is important to me and my well-being. Taking time for self-care every day is important to me.
It takes me longer to type because of it and I need to get up often and move around, as I seize up if I don’t. Walking for the past couple of weeks has become hard with the pain in my back. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to crack in half…
I also have high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, Fibromyalgia, Cushing’s Disease, and recurring cancer that has to be maintained and recently learned I am in the early stages of glaucoma, for which I need drops now every day. Yes, I developed Cushing’s Disease from too much cortisol in my system for too long!
Accepting these diagnoses is hard on my mental well-being too but I have learned how. As I said before I care more about my quality of life than my quantity! I prefer to enjoy the time I have left, not focus on trying to live longer!
I had to put the focus on myself and in doing so, I have rebuilt my self-esteem. I know I can manage everything life wants to throw at me!
A couple of years ago I read a lot about racism and racial discrimination and even spoke to a lawyer about it who specialized in racial cases. I sent her some of the documents I have from HRTO and was told that I am far from being a racist person. I slipped up at the hearing, but I recognized my mistake, apologized for it, and tried to improve afterwards. I wanted to know if anything I did would be construed as racial discrimination and learned it was not. That has boosted my self-esteem too!
Denying a Tenants ability to pay in cash; to get a parking spot when there was none to give, for free when they were not; not allowing a tenant to determine when entry would be granted for repairs and/or inspections, even a lock change; completing repairs by our own process not as expected by tenants; even asking for permission to enter in writing when 24 hours notice couldn’t be given due to a screwup at the contractor’s schedule, all these things are not evidence of racial discrimination and it means nothing that these tenants were part of an interracial couple.
To me, they were Tenants, no name, no face, just a person who rented an apartment. But, as they didn’t see it that way, they tried to make their perceptions into facts without any evidence and it was a very traumatizing experience that I had to recover from.
It was False Allegations of Racism. False Accusations Of Racism Against Stella Reddy
|Just about every week we see the same story. Someone takes a jittery smartphone video of a white person caught in the act of doing something that’s labelled racist. An army of online commentators mobilizes. The video goes viral. And the person in the video is publicly shamed, often losing a job or being ostracized by the community. His or her name becomes a hashtag for hate.The circulation of these racist outrage videos is so common that they’ve become the online version of background noise. The social scientist Eugenia Siapera says they often trigger “ambient digital racism” – racially toxic online posts from ordinary people that are so commonplace they no longer shock.|
I had to move past all that, no matter how terrifying it was, as I deserve to live in peace and not worry about what toxic bullies were saying online, or in person, about me that could cause another to attack me.
Racism is discrimination and prejudice towards people based on their race or ethnicity.
The term “racial discrimination” shall mean any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin that has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism
I have been working really hard to rebuild my self-esteem by accepting that I did nothing wrong, these Tenants were seeing things that weren’t there, based on their own skewed views, and asking very leading questions that they knew were speculations they couldn’t prove.
Take this situation from their “Statement of Speculations” they made over the fact that I wouldn’t accept their cash rental payment in August 2016 and the 8 “reasons” they came up with for why they THINK I did that.
None of these “reasons” included the real reason I gave in my letter about it, my personal safety. I wish I had a copy of that letter but I can’t find one…
I was previously attacked by someone off the street on rent day for cash in the office and I refused to put myself in that position again for just one Tenant. I don’t care how long they were paying their rent that way, my personal safety was more important than their “convenience”.
Note the “reasons” they list here, yet, they show nothing to prove any of them could be true! It became their pattern, to set up a scene and ask very leading questions and their “reasons” they believe their speculations are true and factual when they obviously are not.
So, yes, getting past these patterns I was exposed to, took a lot of mental determination and resilience. The funny thing? They state they were “firm in her position and were not taking no for an answer” which gave the situation away and tells you they became aggressive in their approach once I said I wasn’t accepting it.
They claim the conversation was not heated, nor was it loud which once again tells you that my feelings and thoughts on the matter, didn’t count and should be discarded and ignored.
Invalidation was their go-to whenever I expressed myself!
Self-esteem, the regard one holds oneself, is a cornerstone of our mental and emotional health. It influences our relationships, decision-making, and overall satisfaction with life. This article explores six pillars of self-esteem, providing a roadmap to cultivate a healthier, more positive self-image.
1. Be Mindful Of Your Strengths As Well As Your Weaknesses
2. Accept Yourself As You Are Now But Believe In Growth
3. Start Small And Achieve Early Success
4. Visualize The Future You Want
5. Develop Faith In Yourself And Your Potential
6. Hold Yourself To High Standards Of Ethics And Behavior
Building self-esteem involves a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and growth. It requires mindfulness of your strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of your current self, belief in growth, achievement of small wins, visualization of your desired future, faith in your potential, and adherence to high ethical standards. Each pillar is a stepping stone towards a healthier, more positive self-image.
Remember, the journey to self-esteem does not involve a destination but a continuous process of growth and self-improvement. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself, not in comparison to others, but in alignment with your unique potential and values.
Developing self-esteem is not an overnight process. It requires patience, consistency, and a lot of self-love. But the rewards are immense. High self-esteem can enhance your relationships, improve your career prospects, and contribute to overall happiness and satisfaction in life.
As you embark on this journey, remember to be kind to yourself. Celebrate your small victories, learn from your mistakes, and, most importantly, believe in your ability to grow and improve.