Cleaning Out My Life!

Don't Feel Guilty

All throughout my life I have been faced with many unnecessary obligations, many of which was imposed upon me by others and I faced a lot of “shoulds” in my own head as a result. I am sure everyone can relater to that!  In recent months, I have been slowly stopping all that, as it came to me that I am obligated now to no one, other than myself and my husband. It is only him and I living here, it is only he and I who pay the bills and do our yard work and housework. None of these people have any say in what we do these days and no one can ever tell me to stop, ever again. I am under no obligation to no person, employment, or agency anymore. I live by my own standards now. 

I have no reason to answer to anyone’s questions, from any time in my life. 

The day we left Ontario was the day all ties to this situation, and the people within it, was broken and we both no longer were obligated to stay silent and respect anyone else’s wishes. It just took me a long time to break that in my mind. While we reached a settlement with the property owners, that I can’t talk about, I can say we did get one. The fact that we did, speaks volumes now to me over accountability of this situation. If I did anything wrong in my duties there, that would not have happened. I get solace from this, as it is documentation that proves I did nothing wrong in my job. I have done things deliberately, to give me peace of mind.

I was under the thumb of oppressors like adult tenant bullies I had, the property owners, just the whole situation. I was made to feel obligated to answer their questions put to me and to respond to their accusations, and it became a habit to do so. Every times someone questioned me, I felt obligated to respond. I was brainwashed, by their persistence, and insistence, over a long period of time. At least, that is how it felt. Even other tenants and their questions whenever I left my apartment, I felt defensive with.

When I look back on the day of August 24, 2017 and how I felt when I went home after being verbally attacked by this tenant bully, I feel bad for the person I was then. I was a very defensive person, always on edge waiting for the next thing to come where I was being made into the bad person. I was afraid of telling the owners I did that, as I knew what their response would be, even though it was a personal thing to me, it concerned one of their tenants, tenants they told me a year before to ignore their antics towards me. I did get a hard time but it was done. Unfortunately it was dismissed a few months later because of a HRTO mixup. Then I was lied too, as I was told my issues would also be taken into account in a hearing over their applications. As their hearing was dismissed because they didn’t bother to show up, none of my issues were ever mentioned. I do believe this is why they ignored it after, they knew they would lose once again.

During that year, Aug 2016 till Sept 2017, I had other issues with other tenants and each time, the owners tied my hands in following through and filing on them with the LTB. There were also other things.

To give you an idea, I will tell you a story about a tenant in another property, a smaller one. There was a lady, who was pregnant, and she was aware of a vacant apartment above her that we were getting renovated and repainted. We gave this unit a new kitchen and bathroom too! Anyway, she called the owner directly asking if her family members can move into this unit, for FREE, for a few months, before and after she had her child. Apparently, he did it for her before. He sent her to me as he didn’t have the guts to say no and deal with the verbal abuse he knew she would give him over it, so he had me go thru that instead. She was very nasty over hearing “no” too. Imagine, expecting a owner to let people stay in a renovated apt for a few months, with all the wear and tear of that, only to have to repaint and clean the unit, also any repairs needed, for a new tenant once again later? How could they ask that? But, they did.

This was things they did for tenants to not “rock the boat” and create any hassle for themselves. Why do you think they hired me when they did? They wanted someone who could say no and stick to it, but they didn’t tell me what a nightmare it would be for me to have to stop all that. The owners gave certain tenants a rent increase every year, yet others got none. They didn’t give interest on the last months rent either, which is obligated for them to do. The LMR isn’t even in a seperate account! There was a lot of things not being done administratively, and quite a few tenants were spoiled. They wanted me to fix it and be the face of their business, while they stayed in the background still being friends with tenants. If a tenant complained about a change to them, they would tell them to go talk to the “boss” which they said was me. They used me to wipe their hands of any trouble with tenants and procedures. Once I quit, they hired a Property Management Company to do it for them instead. 

Even then, I refused to ignore it but because I was just one person, I was overwhelmed in the end and gave in to them, for a long time. I am removing all those “must” from my life now, today. 

If I want to spend the day sitting at my computer writing posts for my website, I can do that and ignore my housework. If I want to get up early one day and go for a walk on the trails here, I can do that too. If I want to go out and play darts, I don’t see anyone stopping me! My time now is my own to do with what I wish.

Who, really, has a right to complain over me doing that? If I want to have 20 websites, I don’t see a reason why I can’t, other than time! If I want to spend my days going on and on about adult tenant bullies in posts on my sites, I can do that too. The only person I answer to over any of my actions, is myself. 

Everything below, is what I have been practicing for the past few months and I finally got where I need to be. The first one, rumination, is something I use to get stuck in but I now focus on the present and what is around me, instead of what’s in my head. it has become natural for me now to stop ruminating on the past and focus on the here and now! Digital, I have my mornings till about 10 -11 am, as I am a early riser, where I am online. The rest of the day, there is the daily housework, but it is also focused on me, like exercising my ankle, playing games, taking a long soak, or coloring while listening to music. I spend time talking to friends, family or I go out to the store or go for a walk if its nice. I limit my time on here, as I don’t want this site to be my only focus these days.

Try these things and see for yourself what it can do for you mental wellbeing! I know it has done amazing things for me!

I am off now to enjoy my birthday with my husband and my family. Have a great day!

 

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/202204/4-great-ways-clean-your-life-and-boost-well-being?fbclid=IwAR1JKL_pFWXdG3BeaNBKHyKtdmQv-QMxnFEPp_B069qXIZDcpYoUhw4wmr8

KEY POINTS

  • “Must bunnies” create must-do lists full of “should’s,” which crowd your schedule, drain your energy, swamp your attention, and stress you out.
  • To clear out the must bunnies, mindfully minimize your rumination, digital clutter, social obligations, and time sinks.
  • By casting out the must bunnies, you calm your mind, boost your wellbeing, and have more time and energy for living your best life.

Anyway, forget about the dust bunnies under your bed because there is a far more insidious mess that warrants your attention: Let’s call them “must bunnies.” Must bunnies dwell in your mind where they generate stressful thoughts, bothersome compulsions, and irrelevant must-do lists full of should’s, such as “I should wake up earlier, or “I should help out,” or “I should spend time with them,” or “I should get over it.”

Must bunnies wreak havoc because they impose unnecessary obligations, meaningless distractions, and unrealistic expectations that interfere with your awareness of your authentic self, what you truly want, and how you truly feel. Separated from your true potential, priorities, and feelings, you may feel anxious, overwhelmed, or even depressed.

For a new type of spring cleaning, try minimizing the must bunnies, so you can free your mind, cultivate calm, boost your wellbeing, and live your best life.

Here are four basic types of must bunnies and strategies for clearing them out.

Rumination Must Bunnies

Rumination means deep and careful thought. In particular, you may ruminate on what happened in the past to make sense of it or extract the lessons. And you may ruminate on what might happen in the future, weigh the options, or make plans. But when rumination is obsessive and stressing about the past (If only I’d done it differently; I should’ve known better), or worrying about the future (I’m going to fail; I should do more; I’ll be all alone), your sense of self-worth and wellbeing falters.

Practice bringing your awareness to the present moment to clear out those must include bunnies. Turn your attention to what you see with your eyes, or hear with your ears or your breath. You can observe colors and light, the sounds of music, traffic, or people, or the sensations of your breathing, in and out. Your attention may wander, but you strengthen your ability as you keep bringing it back to the present moment. How does this cast out the must bunnies?

When you mindfully bring your awareness into the present moment, neither the past nor the future matter. Your mind calms and accepts that you can’t change what has happened nor predict what will happen. Then, instead of ruminating on what-ifs and shoulds, you can cultivate self-compassion for your mistakes, focus on what you truly want right now, and wonder what will happen next with a curious mindset. This practice cultivates a calm mind and a centered life.

Digital Must Bunnies

Digital intake of news, information, and social media can add to one’s life, but for too many people, it overtakes life. Yes, world events, updating knowledge, and scanning posts by friends and favorite celebrities can be super-compelling, but mindfully notice, “How involved am I in living my own life?” With a mostly outward focus, you may feel informed and in the loop, but these “must-dos” and lack of inward focus lead to losing touch with yourself, what you experience, and what you want.

To experiment with this, try going on a run, walk, hike, or bike ride without earbuds, and notice where your mind wanders. As Socrates observed, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” And if you’re feeling bored or anxious unless you’re plugged in, perhaps you’ve fallen into a modern twist on this truism: “The unlived life is not worth examining.” Unplug so you can calm your brain and free your mind to reconnect with yourself. Your life is waiting for you, and it’ll be as interesting as you make it.

Social Must Bunnies

Having a vibrant social life is important, but when social “must do’s” are wearing you out or keeping you from your priorities, it’s time to tidy up. This entails reducing the amount of time you spend with people you don’t really care about or people you find draining. Then you can increase the amount of time you spend, preferably face-to-face, with people you enjoy, who fill you up and energize you. You can also carve out more alone time, letting your mind wander or pursue what fulfills you.

Time Sink Must Bunnies

We all have responsibilities that need tending. And a key responsibility is to unload the “should’s” that waste your time or energy and keep you from meeting the responsibilities that really matter and doing what you really want to be doing. Now, you may worry that if you only do what you want, you’ll stay in bed and eat chocolate for the rest of your life.

And if that’s what you truly desire, go for it. But after a time, maybe even a couple of minutes (or maybe a whole weekend), even this indulgence gets tiresome. And actually, doing what you want includes doing what’s necessary to live your best life, which, yes, means you actually want to do the laundry, file your taxes, walk the dog, and meet important deadlines. That’s because meeting these responsibilities holds intrinsic rewards you value.

And mindfully notice, when you think you should do something, but you don’t really want to, you can probably put it off until you feel motivated to do it. (And in due time, I finally got around to writing this blog post.) But what if there are no rewards you’d value, ever? What happens when you scratch that task off your list? How does it feel, for example, to not vacuum under heavy furniture? If that’s not your jam, you’re under no obligation. Really! Instead, go live your best life.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: