Self-awareness is Key To Understanding

As a result of enduring relentless gaslighting from my bullies, I have recognized the importance of developing self-awareness and the ability to counteract its harmful effects. Self-awareness has transformed my life!

I had to cultivate unwavering confidence in my own personal narrative, and in myself, ensuring that no external force could ever undermine my belief in myself again. That is what this website is all about, showing the self-awareness I have gained through therapy, research, and talking with others. 

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand one’s own thoughts, feelings, motivations, and behaviours. It involves being mindful of one’s own strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs. Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence and is essential for personal growth, self-improvement, and building healthy relationships with others.

Self-awareness can be developed through introspection, reflection, and self-analysis. It involves being honest with oneself and taking the time to explore and understand one’s own emotions, attitudes, and actions. By becoming more self-aware, individuals can gain insights into their own behaviour patterns, motivations, and how they impact others.

Self-awareness allows individuals to make more conscious and deliberate choices in their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It enables them to better manage their emotions, make more informed decisions, and develop better-coping mechanisms. It also helps individuals to effectively communicate and connect with others, as they become more attuned to their own needs and emotions, and better able to understand and empathize with others.

Overall, self-awareness is a fundamental aspect of personal development and leads to greater self-acceptance, emotional regulation, resilience, and overall well-being.

I have encountered countless documents in which Toxic Adult Bullies devoted an exorbitant amount of time attempting to erase my individuality. Their words effectively invalidated my identity, negating my memories, feelings, and even my opinions. I was not permitted to have any semblance of personal autonomy; my existence was disallowed.

Every single utterance I made, both spoken and written, was seized by these Toxic Adult Bullies and subjected to their personal distorted interpretations. My autonomy was never acknowledged. The evidence of this malicious behaviour is glaringly apparent with the creation of stellareddy.com and the other sites containing my name. I had to let that go and focus on myself instead.

Invalidation is a form of relational trauma, causing long-term harm to the brain, and nervous system, and eroding any healthy connections or trust in others. Rebuilding my faith in humanity requires a gradual and persistent process of cultivating character, self-awareness, and love. I am actively engaged in this transformative journey, and it is providing solace. Self-awareness was the key to my recovery!

Invalidation can be defined as the rejection or dismissal of a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviours, deeming them unworthy of consideration and understanding. Such invalidation can inflict significant damage on an individual’s psychological and emotional well-being.

Every single word penned by the Toxic Adult Bullies served to undermine my worth. Their actions inflicted severe psychological harm upon me. The evidence of this damage is evident in the words they have shared on this specific website, stellareddy.com, in the past and I expect in the future. I had to find a way to combat all that!

I have come to accept that Toxic Adult Bullies are entitled to their opinions, but they do not have the authority to manipulate and distort their narratives onto others. Do they wish to perceive me as racist and discriminatory? Yes, they are free to harbour such beliefs, but they lack the power to impose their biases upon others, especially without evidence for the past 7 years! Do they hold animosity towards me? If they want to hate me, go ahead, just stop trying to force others into hating me as they do!

People are free to think and believe as they wish, but forcing others to adopt their perspectives becomes problematic. The existence of stellareddy.com and other related domains centred around coercively imposing their beliefs onto others, was the core issue. It was an all-out attempt to smear my name, all because they got mad at me for how I did my job.

They cowardly hide behind anonymity, fully aware that their actions are unjust. If they truly believed they were entitled to create these websites, why hide their names? Yes, I am still working on letting that one go!

They renewed the site for another year in April 2022 and within a couple of months, the content was suspended again by the Host, to which they put it in nameservers that don’t exist. Today, December 4, 2023, they moved it again to Orangewebsite, showing it has now been renewed until April 20, 2025, where it was automatically suspended once again for breaking their policies of “doxxing” they added since. So now 3 domains are with this host and don’t show up, stellareddy.com, lorriereddy.com, and davidstrashin.com.

I have come to terms with the fact that these toxic bullies are determined to act as they please. Equally, I have made peace with the decision to persistently expose their actions under my own name on my personal platform until their behaviour ceases.

I possess a deep understanding of my actions and motivations these days. My unwavering commitment lies in safeguarding my own well-being and preserving the integrity of my personal reputation, especially in light of the hostile behaviour exhibited by adult bullies in my previous workplace in Ontario. As they continue with these domains, I will continue exposing their actions. It is my name after all, not theirs!

Their domains are dedicated to sharing the personal stories of others, offering their personal perspectives that do not align with the absolute truth. These individuals took it upon themselves to construct malicious websites, replete with false information about me. It is vital for me to inform you that these websites were created without my consent, and the vile words contained within them are entirely divorced from my true character. The individuals responsible for these attacks remain ignorant of my authentic self and always will. They were Tenants, not friends…

Separating a person from their toxic actions can be a challenging process, but here are some steps that I found that helped me:

  • Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your personal boundaries and expectations in regard to their toxic behaviour. Let them know what is acceptable and what is not. I did that, numerous times, with no change.
  • Focus on the behaviour, not the person: Instead of blaming or attacking the person, address and discuss their toxic actions specifically. Try to keep the conversation focused on the behaviour itself rather than personalizing it.
  • Practice empathy: Try to understand the root causes behind their toxic actions. This doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it can help you develop empathy and perspective, which can be valuable in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Communicate openly: Have open and honest conversations about the impact of their toxic actions on you and others. Share your feelings, concerns, and observations, and encourage them to do the same. Effective communication can build understanding and empathy.
  • Encourage self-reflection: Encourage the person to reflect on their own behavior, its consequences, and its impact on those around them. Sometimes, introspection can lead to personal growth and change though I doubt that will happen with these individuals.
  • Encourage professional help if necessary: If the toxic behaviour persists, suggest seeking professional help such as therapy or counselling. A professional can provide guidance and support in developing healthier patterns of behaviour.
  • Take care of yourself: If the toxic behaviour continues despite your efforts, prioritize your own well-being and mental health. It may be necessary to limit or cut off contact with the person if they consistently refuse to address their toxic actions.

Remember, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and not tolerate toxic behaviour indefinitely. Speak up and Stand up to Bullying!

This is the WHOIS of stellareddy.com as of today, December 4, 2023. It has had quite a history, hasn’t it? 19 changes on 10 IP addresses is quite a bit for one domain in a 4-year period.

One day, it will all come to an end as nothing lasts forever!! Until that day comes, I will be here pointing out their toxic behaviour and becoming mentally stronger for doing so!

Below, you will find an article I found a while back on how to become more self-aware that I hope you will like!

Dates1,688 days old
Created on 2019-04-21
Expires on 2025-04-21
Updated on 2023-12-04
 
Name ServersDNS1.SMOOTHDNS.COM (has 3,394 domains)
DNS2.SMOOTHDNS.COM (has 3,394 domains)
 
Domain StatusRegistered And No Website
IP History10 changes on 10 unique IP addresses over 4 years 
Registrar History4 registrars with 1 drop 
Hosting History19 changes on 9 unique name servers over 4 years 

The Overall Takeaway

Validation doesn’t mean you lie or agree with another person, but to accept someone’s experience as truthful for them. Surround yourself with people who support this, and who are kind, encouraging, and validating.

Equally as important is being in a compassionate relationship with yourself. Remind yourself of your inherent worth-that you are enough and that you matter, regardless of what others think or say about you. When you truly know this, it can be very powerful.

 
How can I be aware? 
 
3 ways to become self-aware
  1. Assess your self-talk. The first step in self-awareness is to listen to yourself. …
  2. Use your senses. Your senses (sight and sound, in particular) can provide you with huge insights into your own and other people’s feelings, and situations in general. …
  3. Tune into your feelings.

This can help if:

  • you want to know more about yourself
  • you want to develop good self-esteem
  • you don’t understand other people’s reactions to stuff that you’re doing.

Why does self-awareness matter?

Self-awareness is really just about being aware and confident of who you are. It can relate to knowing your own values, beliefs, personal preferences and tendencies.

You know how famous people always say, ‘Stay true to yourself’? This is really important advice, but it’s not easy to stay true to yourself if you don’t know who you are. By becoming self-aware and understanding your strengths and limitations, you open up opportunities that just aren’t available otherwise. You’re also able to have more honest and genuine relationships because the people that you’re attracted to will be attracted to you for who you actually are.

3 ways to become self-aware

1. Assess your self-talk

The first step in self-awareness is to listen to yourself. What’s going on in your mind? Is it a series of negative thoughts that make you feel pretty crappy? Or are you always looking on the bright side?

In practice: Take a couple of minutes each day to sit in silence and listen to the tone of your inner voice. One way of getting your inner voice going is to stand in front of a mirror and hear what you’re saying to yourself about how you look. It might even help to write down your thoughts so that you can get a better idea of how positive or negative they are.

2. Use your senses

Your senses (sight and sound, in particular) can provide you with huge insights into your own and other people’s feelings, and situations in general. But these senses are often viewed through the filter of our self-talk. For example, a frown doesn’t always mean that someone’s angry, and a groan doesn’t necessarily mean that the person you’re talking with is bored, despite what your inner voice might be saying.

In practice: The next time you feel that someone is judging you, or has made you feel bad about yourself, take a step back and write down why you think this. Ask yourself, ‘Could I have interpreted what was said/done differently?’ You might find that your interpretation was clouded by your own negative thoughts.

3. Tune into your feelings

This can be hard if you’re not the kind of person who likes to think too deeply about your feelings. Your feelings are spontaneous and emotional responses to the things you experience. Like your senses, they give you good information about what’s going on around you, should you choose to tune into them.

There are some physical signs that you can look for that might help you to ‘read’ your feelings. They include:

  • A warm feeling in your face might mean you’re embarrassed.
  • A feeling of ‘butterflies’ in your tummy can mean you’re nervous.
  • Clenching your teeth might mean you’re angry.

In practice: Be aware of physical signs that might indicate how you’re feeling. By engaging with how you’re feeling, you can get better insights into what you like, what makes you feel uncomfortable and what makes you angry.

Invalidation Effects

Psychological invalidation or emotional invalidation causes serious psychological damage.

Not only does emotional invalidation can it create emotional distance, conflict, violence, and disruption in relationships, but the recipient of emotional invalidation can feel alienated, confused, inferior, worthless, and problematic.

Validation means acknowledging, accepting, and understanding another’s feelings and thoughts and that you support them in their perspective.

It allows another person’s internal experience to exist without having to judge it or brush it under the carpet. For example, if a child is afraid of the ocean, an invalidating parent might say, “Don’t be silly, the ocean is nothing to be afraid of.”

A validating thing to say instead would be, “I hear that you are feeling scared. Can you tell me what makes you afraid of the ocean?”

If you have a habit of invalidating yourself, you can start by practicing simple affirmations that accept your feelings and experiences. Examples of these include:

“My feelings are valid, and they matter.”

“I respect and honor my feelings.”

“I accept my feelings as they are and acknowledge that they are not wrong.”

What to Do About It

Emotions serve an important purpose and will almost always point to something that needs to be acknowledged.

They are not right or wrong-they are a reflection of your inner experience. If you are the recipient of emotional invalidation, know that you are not unreasonable or unstable-your thoughts and emotions are valid because they are real.

If someone is being non-validating to you, it is understandable that you defend yourself and increase your efforts to be understood.

Being the recipient of emotional invalidation can trigger a fight-or-flight response that can either make you act aggressively or defensively. However, this may only establish conflict and division and play into the perpetrator’s plan of distracting you from the real issue at hand.

Instead of getting angry or defending yourself against emotional invalidation, try not to accept the invalidation. Let them know calmly using “I” statements how you feel, and be prepared to end the conversation if they do not hear you or want to hear you. Let them know that you will discuss the matter with them when you feel safe to do so. Be neutral and assertive and set clear boundaries with them.

If this person continues to pursue emotional invalidation, invalidate your feelings, and resist change, it may be wise to take inventory of the relationship and think about whether or not it is worth your time and investment.

Therapy is an effective way of dealing with the intense emotions of emotional invalidation and can help you reclaim your self-confidence and assertiveness emotionally.

A licensed therapist can also help you cope, offer support, and create a safe space for you to share how you feel without judgment.

 

 


Discover more from Stella Reddy's Story

Subscribe to get the latest posts to your email.