June 3, 2023

Today is the beginning of a new chapter for me!

I am going to talk about Gratitude.

It has become very important to me these days and it has changed my life.

What are the 3 parts of gratitude?

First – Feeling grateful for the good things in your life;

Second – Expressing your gratitude to the people who have made your life better;

and Third – Adopting new behaviors as a result of interacting with those who have helped you.

I have a lot in my life I am very grateful for and I have been making real strides on all these things above. My fear of being turned on by strangers is almost gone and I make real efforts to reach out to the people in my life and show them, not just tell them, what their contributions have meant to me.

My husband has been my staunch supporter throughout this situation. He doesn’t understand why I reacted the way I did, and why it damaged me so badly, but he accepts that it did and has held my hand throughout it all. He has read all the documents, and content online, even all of mine, and he can see the words, he just gets nothing from it. Nothing anyone has ever said to him, or about him, has ever changed how he thinks, about me, or about himself. He helps to keep me grounded and has been my rock to hang on to during this storm all around me in my head. He is there, every day, with his support and love and has been since the day I met him 30 yrs ago. We celebrate 26 yrs of marriage in August! My husband is the reason I am still here.

For the past 3 weeks, since I broke my ankle, he waits on me hand and foot! Always do when I am out for one reason or another and does whatever he can for me to be comfortable. How can I not be grateful to him?

All the education I have now about toxic traits has also helped strengthen our marriage, as it has educated us both on how to be better with each other. We have learned as a couple from all this too! He works on the therapy with me, helps to keep me focused, and has never-ending patience. He even went to the doctor’s appts with me, even for my mental health, and is the first face I see when I woke up from the many surgeries I have had, for various things. I have never made the mistake of lumping my husband in with everyone else, he was always there for me even before this started and I knew that. He may not have always known what to do to support me in my mental health, but he is always willing to learn how, and that has helped me see him, for him.

I have always been very confident in knowing nothing anyone can say will ever change how my husband is with me. I have always had complete faith in him and our relationship. Out of all these situations, that has never changed and I will also be so grateful for him and what he brings to my life. I have no worries about any digs anyone may make about my marriage!

My family too is there for me and always has been. My parents are still alive, I talk to them all the time, and they are happy I’m getting better. My children, both in their 30s now with their own families and lives, have also been very supportive of me. I will always be so grateful for them and their support! I have a big family, with many siblings who have children of their own, many of those children with families of their own. I have been very close with them all and even though I shut so many of them out during this situation, I have been recently reaching out to them again and I know we will be close once again.

I am learning to ask for help, emotional and physical. I reach out to the people I trust, and I know they will be there, to listen, to help, with anything I need. In the process, I am learning about gratitude and appreciating all that they do for me. I am not afraid anymore, I know they won’t turn on me. Even if they do, I know it isn’t about me, but whatever is going on in their own lives that makes them feel frustrated. I ask questions, I talk, and I am not afraid of their reactions anymore. I am learning to be a new me and know I will be accepted as I am.

My online community, not just the WordPress followers I am gaining, but also all the other writers out there who have shared their stories of emotional abuse and smear campaigners, I am most grateful. They understand more than anyone, how it feels to be a target of nasty Narcissistic Smear Campaigners. I have learned so much from their writings online. The many makers of so many posters that speak to me, the writers on psychology sites. All of them have helped me get where I am today. I am so very grateful for their strength in sharing their stories so I didn’t feel so alone. Every time I read a post, it has given me the strength to keep going and find my own strength. I am grateful too for all the new followers I have gained on WordPress, so thank you for reading my posts and I hope you find something helpful to you here!

I found one particular blog back in 2018 that I have religiously read, even when I didn’t have my own site. Every day, I go to Cherie Whites’ website, https://cheriewhite.blog/ and read her posts. I read just about everyone she ever shared, some more than once. I felt so very bad when my abusers also went after her and her husband on a post on the domain in my name back then, but she didn’t even blink. It gave me the courage to try and share my story once again, and stick with it this time. Knowing she won’t hold that action against me, but against these abusers, helps me see it more clearly!

Over time, her words of encouragement to fight against bullying started replacing all the negative words of my abusers. Funny how it works, hey? Whenever I found my mind going into the terrible words of my abusers, I made the point of thinking about her posts, or even going to the site and reading it for myself, and it helped in so many ways. With repetition, learning to retrain your brain to focus on the positives, can be done over time. Eventually, it becomes second nature to scoff at their vile words in my head and chuckle over their tactics.

So, thank you to all in this world who support each other, rather than tearing them down, it helps so much to know you are not alone and that there are people who will understand and accept your craziness from being abused so severely.

Know that I for one am very grateful for all that you contribute to the healing of others like myself! 

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