Talk About Triggers!

Triggers

I was triggered this morning… it wasn’t too bad, but it made me realize that I need to do some more exposure therapy. Triggers are terrible!

As you know I am scheduled for a laminectomy on my lower spine in a couple of weeks and I just got the call for my pre-op appointment for next week to discuss the procedure and get all the tests and paperwork done. I also found out during this call that I have to be prepared to spend the night in the hospital on the 22nd. Hmm..

I wasn’t aware of that. Other than a couple of nights in the Fall of 2018 at the hospital in ON because of my mental health issues, which I don’t remember much of anyway, I haven’t spent a night in the hospital since that 3 months here in 1991. Now, I get to spend another night in this same hospital, on the same floor as I was after the fire in 1991. Hmm…

When I heard that this morning on the phone, my body froze and knots formed in my stomach at the thought of spending another night in that hospital that gave me so many memories, so, I think it is time for me to do some more exposure therapy. My instinctive reaction only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough for me to know I needed to work on it. When I go next week for my pre-op I think I will take a stroll around and face my demons head-on, show myself I have nothing to fear.

This is what I do to fight my anxieties and fear, I face them as much as I can. So, I will walk this floor next week, familiarize myself with the changes, as I am sure there have been in 33 years, and let the memories flow through me, and out. Just as I have done so many times before… I will see I have nothing to fear, I am not in the same place nor am I the same person I was then.

When I broke my ankle in 2 places in February 2022, I had to go to physiotherapy at this same hospital, and I was in the same rooms I was in all those years ago. Yes, I was triggered then too and just allowed the memories to come over me. I stood at the walking bars and let the memories come and I was fine. Once I did that, I felt better.

I know I will be fine this time too. Face your fears, you will see it isn’t as bad as you think! It takes strength to do, but as with anything, it gets easier once you do it once.


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6 Replies to “Talk About Triggers!”

  1. Woah, I’m trying to imagine. I’m praying everything goes so well that the memories you’ll make will wash the trauma away. <3

    1. Thank you! 😊 Yes, I keep reminding myself that this is a different time, and more importantly I am different.
      Actually, I am starting to look forward to finally getting the chance to release all that finally from my system and replace it with new memories.

  2. I like how you handle your triggers. I need to focus more on that because it’s an awful feeling.

    I am wishing you the best for your surgery and recovery and I hope your hospital stay turns out all right. 🩷🌸🪻

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