Today’s Ramblings: Smear Campaigns

I do remember the days when I was miserable, thinking I would never get out from under the malicious smear campaign in my name. I thought my world was crashing and all I wanted was for it to end! I am still handling that mess but it is less troublesome than it use to be. I am recovering!

That is Trauma, it stays with you but I am making it through. I am too determined to get as much experience out of life as I can get. Still, to many things I want to do!

Mindfulness is an amazing tool to help you get your thoughts on track and focus on the here and now. The past is over, but the effects of it remain whenever I think of those sites still being online. The creepy crawly feeling remains…

In 1991 when I had that house fire that resulted in so much damage to my body from having to jump approx. 32 feet, I was traumatized and I am still 32 years later. I still think about it from time to time, so I get what Trauma can do. It stays with you, for life, and I am okay with that.

I also know that in order for me to live a good life, full of different experiences and people, I need to learn to control and live with my symptoms. That is my purpose this year. I have made the promise to myself that I will do all I can, avail of anything that will help me achieve my goals. As I fill up my present with so many wonderful things, the less important this situation becomes.

Moving to NL has had wonderful benefits for my mental health and well-being, as I don’t feel fearful here of people. I spent most of last summer doing exposure therapy to get over my fear of crowds, and it worked. This summer will be about using my new tools to enrich my life and get more social.

It is Mental Health Week here in NL and I have been sitting in on some Webinars being held by Bridge the Gap yesterday, with a few more scheduled for this week. They have amazing programs!!

I’m going to take some time next week and sign up for some, especially the Mindwell one I learned about yesterday which is mostly online, which is a benefit. I have learned to regulate my emotions a lot better but there is room for improvement. There is always room for improvement!!

As time goes by, the more I improve, the less this situation affects me emotionally! I use to think that time was a great healer but it is the work you do in that time, that heals you.

I am still waiting for a response to the email I sent last week to someone who I hope will help me get those sites taken off the Internet Archive. I don’t like how frantic I felt when I saw that had been renewed for another year and transferred domain providers to Hostinger, but I don’t expect that to happen again. I expect all this to be a distant memory this time next year!!

I had hope and it was dashed and I felt disappointed that they are still going after all this time. I did get over it pretty quickly though, which I am glad of!

Yes, I know I am contrary, I started putting them there in the first place, but I didn’t think the Toxic Tenants would use it as their main site either… 🙂 I put them there at the time as I was afraid they would remove the domain and claim they did no such thing, just as with other actions they did. I don’t trust them and they give me no reason to. These Toxic Tenants give no one a reason to trust them!

Even though those websites remain accessible on the internet, my life is still improving! I never thought that would be possible while they still were accessible for view, but I now know that after all this time, no one is taking their sites seriously.

After 6 years, if someone was going to attack me, they would have done it. If anyone cared about their false allegations, I am sure I would have heard from someone by now! That is empowering for me, to know that their sites are being ignored by the general public. That is what happens to old news, it is ignored.

I have every confidence now in myself and know I will continue to flourish and improve my mental well-being.

It did seem like my world was crashing down around me, but instead, it was a new beginning! It led me Home, to Newfoundland and Labrador, with its wonderful people and beautiful scenery where I have regained my sense of self!

Today, I live in gratitude as I made it through!

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