Reading about Narcissism and its many traits is something I have been doing for years now, as I needed to learn the many traits I was being exposed to so I can alleviate their effects on me. This is a newer article I read this morning and it helped me understand even more why Toxic Adult Bullies do what they do, and why. It helps to know what I am seeing in their words and actions, is exactly what I am seeing. Reinforcement!
Rebuilding the trust within myself of what I see and feel, is also very important in my recovery from abuse for me. Not only were others invalidating me, but I was also. Trust is such a big thing in my life these days and the reason for my lack of faith is the severe Bullying I have been a Target of by Toxic Tenants I had in my job.
When you look at the whole of these smear campaigns online, you see such antagonism being shown towards people they go after in their many websites and their contents and the envy he expresses over others “getting away” with their behaviour that he believes is “bad”. They think they are “exposing” terrible people and the racist behaviours they feel are shown toward them because the issue they had didn’t work out the way they expected.
All of their domains are a show of their rage over perceived criticisms, where they lash out in paranoid fashion at their “tormentors” claiming racism and discrimination because they are an Interracial Couple who believe they deserve special treatment from everyone else.
At even the slightest suggestion of perceived criticism, the narcissist may become overwhelmed with rage, lashing out in paranoid fashion at “tormenters” who withhold needed affirmation
Bullies come after you, claiming that you are terrible for not behaving as they expected and you didn’t treat them with reverence as they wanted.
- I refused to allow them to dictate who enters the apt and when so of course, because I was racist and didn’t like them living there. Everyone else who had a part in that, also did it because they were in “cahoots” with me to “illegally” evict them because they too are also racist.
- A vet refused to accommodate him with his dog’s health so of course, it must be because his wife is black and this Vet assumed, as a result, they would stiff him for the bill.
- In terms of the school, the teachers and administrators got upset over their son bullying back the kids who he said were tormenting him, and of course, he has to assume that they think his son is an Angry Black man/child.
- metasalvador.online is a domain against a company this Bully paid money to and he felt they “stiffed” him “MetaSalvador.io cancelled ir own pre-sale and then did not refund me my BNB that I purchased to by their token.” Of course, he makes it public but as it is no longer there, I assume he got his money back.
- rooseveltsherrit.com is all about how the Prime Minister of Dominica lives his life in the benefits he gets from his job. Once again bashing someone else for what they have in their professional or personal lives that they do not.
It is all about placing the shame of the situation they find themselves in, onto other people and never any acknowledgement of their part that got them there.
I have come to accept that the Adult Bullies I know can’t come to terms with the shame of causing their own family to be evicted from their apartment, so are trying to pass this shame onto the people who enforced the rules. His behaviour of trying to control entry, caused his family to have to go through all that. His decision to create an elaborate lie of some prior meeting to have something to attack me over also caused his family terrible issues. It was their choice to bring their children to the hearings that were held and they exposed them to all that, no one else. It is also their choice to expose their family to still more shame for the many smearing sites they have online. They feel so much shame over those sites online, they shut down their personally named websites and left them stagnant for the past few years. In all their domains, they refuse to allow their readers to contact them, which is why I know they lie these days about comments they say they got from someone else.
As long as this man feels this shame over his actions that caused his family so many hardships, he will find someone else to blame for issues they have and pass on that shame to them with gaslighting and manipulations, even direct personal attacks on their characters. Adult Tenant Bullies hide a lot but what they do show, will have you running for the hills. I avoid any person now who is judgemental of others and who shows envy over what another person has. I have learned that if a person can talk negatively about someone, they will talk like that about you too and it isn’t worth it.
My lack of faith in humanity is slowly being restored by all the interactions I have had over the past couple of years, as I know now not everyone is like these Adult Bullies. In the end, though, I am retired and do not need an active social life. I have people in my circle that give me unconditional support these days and I am slowly opening up my World by getting involved in community events around me.
With time, I will fully recover and get my sense of safety back. It is what I want to do.
I share below another article from the same site I read this morning on The A-B-C-D’s of Pathological Antagonism. New research breaks pathological narcissism into 4 basic parts.
To sum up, when antagonism reaches pathological levels, it’s a quality you want to steer clear of in the people you interact with. By knowing what to look for, you’ll be better able to find fulfillment with the people whose trust by you is well-deserved.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/202301/the-a-b-c-ds-of-pathological-antagonism?fbclid=IwAR1R6OLADp7M9YzQ3EJDzAAHmdk2zHLyCfO9aOMdmViOeSjMYxdlzU3r-jA
What Narcissists Hide
The grandiose face of narcissism is only the one they permit us to see.
- Narcissists present themselves in signature grandiose mental states.
- This presentation may hide secret, chronic struggles with a sense of victimization, including resentful blaming and envying of others.
- Many of these problems arise as a result of a personality organized to ward off contact with the shame emotion.
Bragging endlessly, craving attention, proudly announcing various “accomplishments,” shoehorning self-serving narratives of admiration and success into every social interaction, narcissists announce themselves flamboyantly. They are skilled at manipulation, evincing little genuine interest in other people.
On first encounter, their naked self-belief can be unsettling. We might even wonder whether this display of overblown self-assurance is merely a pose adopted to compensate for some deep impairment of self-esteem. However, research and clinical experience suggest this is not the case. Compared to normal individuals, narcissists really do have an elevated sense of self-worth, feel superior to others, and believe they are entitled to special treatment. If not a reaction to consciously felt inferiority, what explains these faces that narcissists readily reveal to others, as well as those they hide?
Guilty Versus Shame-Related Mental States
Narcissistic behavioral traits develop in the context of an especially avoidant relationship with the shame emotion. While often confused or conflated, guilt and shame are different emotions. In guilty states of mind, there is attention to actions (either in reality or fantasy) imagined to have harmed other people. There is motivation to make amends or apologize to those impacted. Normal guilt is thus tied to empathy and concern for the welfare of others.
In the shameful mind’s eye, on the other hand, focus expands to a secret, globally negative sense of the entire self rather than regret at specific actions. The shameful self feels small, deficient, inadequate, or fundamentally “bad.” We all transition in and out of various shameful, deflated mental states at times. Perhaps we encounter a more successful colleague who reveals a significant accomplishment we have not attained, or a random thought, memory, or fantasy triggers a brief deflection of self-regard. Over time, as we develop the ability to manage these mental states without becoming demoralized, traits of humility and realistic confidence can be incorporated into our personalities.
But for those who become narcissists, direct experience of shameful states of mind has become intolerable. For them, any contact with the shame emotion is avoided as the touch of a hot stove. For much of the time, narcissists function, by default, in grandiose states of mind, in which admiration and envy by others are assumed and perceived. In these states, the narcissist feels a glowing sense of self-confidence and excitement. Rather than a conscious choice, this is a way of being.
What We Don’t See
Readily revealing themselves while in the midst of familiar, grandiose states of mind, narcissists tend to hide what they consider shameful signs of weakness, deficiency, or failure. Hostage to needed admiration and acknowledgment, the narcissistic personality style is vulnerable to perceived slight or disrespect at virtually every turn. Often, it may only be close friends or intimate partners who directly witness the bitter, angry mental states triggered when the narcissist feels deprived of the acknowledgment or acclaim to which he or she feels entitled. It is in these states that we see the darker side of the narcissistic defenses against shame.
Hypersensitivity to Perceived Mistreatment
Narcissists appraise and react to the world in rigidly scripted ways. The overarching goal is the embrace of self-enhancing perceptions while projecting or disavowing anything reflecting negatively on the self. Major themes in the narcissistic mind thus become identifying what is wrong or unjust, and who or what is to blame. Aspects of reality that fail to provide ego enhancement must be, by definition, wrong. At even the slightest suggestion of perceived criticism, the narcissist may become overwhelmed with rage, lashing out in paranoid fashion at “tormenters” who withhold needed affirmation. When away from direct social scrutiny, the narcissist spends considerable time brooding over episodes of alleged mistreatment. Saddled with unrealistic (inevitably thwarted) expectations of approval and admiration, narcissists I see in treatment struggle with secret feelings of emptiness and despair.
Projection of Blame
Compulsive blaming reflects the need to assess and control the locus of the “wrongness” narcissists see all around them. Externalizing blame for some unwanted outcome rids the self of shameful responsibility for the perceived defect or error. If you are in frequent contact with a narcissist, conflict is inevitable. It is likely that you will be blamed irrationally for various acts or omissions, including those actually committed by the narcissist. In the narcissistic mind, when things go wrong, it must be someone else’s fault. You will be shocked at the level of distortion in the narcissist’s accounts of what happened and why. Arguing with a narcissist is generally not fruitful: Only you can be in the wrong.
Preoccupation With Envy
For those who live in an imagined world of admiration and elevated status, envy takes on a special, obsessive role. Preoccupation with envy is one of the defining features of narcissistic personality disorder. The envious social script elevates the object envied as possessing qualities longed for or lacking in the envier. Perhaps the envied person enjoys wealth, status, or accolades that the narcissist desperately craves. Buffering this admiration, envy is accompanied by bitter resentment and devaluation. In the narcissistic mind, the disparity between the envier and envied is inherently unfair: yet another example of others reaping praise, acknowledgment, or good fortune rightly due the narcissist. If you have a narcissistic friend, you can assume that you are the object of envy. Be alert to the ways the narcissist will attempt to divert attention from your accomplishments, even trying to undermine or sabotage your success.
Initial impressions can be misleading. The grandiose mental states in which we generally encounter the narcissist are only one aspect of a complex, unstable level of personality organization. Like a balloon inflated, such a psyche is prone to bursting upon contact with the sharp edges of everyday life. This happens frequently, but generally out of our sight.
As a psychologist, I am interested in what the narcissist hides from our view. In my experience, the crucible that produces narcissistic personalities generally includes one rejecting, critical, or abusive parent along with an overindulgent parent who compensates by treating the child as if he or she can do no wrong. Focusing on this developmental environment, in which the narcissist learned that contact with the shame emotion was psychologically dangerous, offers avenues for treatment. Some narcissists can benefit from tactful, carefully paced exposure to those deflating aspects of reality generally avoided in grandiose states.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame-guilt-and-their-defenses/202301/what-narcissists-hide?fbclid=IwAR2N1Uj18VQjgefh17QnR1NuPH9cc3mRIP215hsF8eve0RZaxFzmhwCi4ic