Ruminating Effect: Narcissistic Abuse, C-PTSD, PTSD, and Anxiety

Yes, ruminating serves a purpose. I have learned that ruminating comes from gaslighting,  as your brain is trying desperately to make sense of and learn from what happened.

Unfortunately, I have learned there is no making sense of Smear Campaigns and why my Bullies are still going, even after all legal actions are over. I have learned to accept what I cannot change. All I can do is move on and make my way to the other side so I can live my life without the fear these domains place in me.

I ruminated daily, constantly for a long time, and could barely focus…I felt like history was repeating itself and I was right back into the hell that I experienced before. I was drowning in the written words I had to read almost daily during the Human Rights Process and it really screwed with my psyche. Reading how bad you are day in and day out does tend to get stuck in your head.

What do Bullies want you to believe? 

Narcissists & Bullies want you to believe whatever hokey story they tell you. They love nothing on this Earth more than absolutely screwing with your mind, having you chase your tail until you have a heart attack, or committing suicide.  I spent so many days on alert, feeling defensive and downtrodden, waiting for the next vile missive filled with degradation and criticisms of my very existence. That’s how they make their grandiose false self, by seeing themselves as some kind of wizard, shredding you and worse — making you shred yourself — And it’s all for the entertainment they crave, the distraction they need. Nothing personal at all, because you’re not a person, you’re just collateral. I am a label that they gave me.

You will never be able to enjoy the present if you are stuck in the past. I had to find my way out and leaving Ontario was the start of it. I was realizing that I didn’t NEED to stay there and continue living with the possibility of one day going out and being attacked by some stranger who got upset over the content in those domains online. I was terrified that someone will take his words of accusation of racism and use them to make a statement, as had been happening at the time. Why else did he change the wording if not to news-jack with current news for more exposure?

“Why” are you stuck?  It doesn’t protect you, help you, or change anything. What ruminating does? It keeps you in those terrible places all the time. It isn’t good for you and it is killing your mindset.

So, essentially, you are keeping yourself stuck because you are perpetually trying to rework something over and over. Overthinking the situation.…and by replaying and ruminating over this you keep *re-experiencing* the emotions that come with the past – crippling you from fully engaging in the present. I felt trapped. It got so bad in November 2018 that my husband came home one day and found me in the bedroom, banging my head on the brick wall by the window, mumbling the words “get out” over and over… I was trying to bang the thoughts out of my head… I did some serious damage to my forehead that day, and even got a concussion out of it… had to spend the night in the hospital, for the second time.

Ruminating → Re-experiencing terrible emotions → Unable to enjoy the Present

I am assuming you know this on many levels…and if you don’t, that’s what’s happening. It took me a while to realize my PTSD symptoms were returning, tenfold…I kept saying to people that general anxiety you don’t really know what causes it, but I did. I had a great fear of being attacked due to the words they wrote and the continual triangulation they did with others.

Most people do not think about the past much at all…and that’s how they are able to fully engage in the present. Enjoy their life. Connect with other people.

If we all constantly focused on every single shame, bad event, or area of guilt…no one would ever be able to enjoy much of anything. I was stuck in all the words written that played on my psyche and I had to get out from under all that.

“How” do you get unstuck? Right now, the problem is, that your past is in the present. It’s like a time traveller in the wrong place bringing terrible things with it…and because of this, your focus is in the wrong place, and so is all of your energy.

You are still fighting thoughts so actively, that it clouds everything else. Your potential happiness, your potential enjoyment or connection. Your past is stealing from you every single day…and you have to halt that. Who wants to put all of their energy into something terrible, that makes them feel terrible, that they cannot change anyway because it’s in the past? It’s absolutely draining.

Who can feel happy or connected in the middle of that kind of fight? For a lot of people, it feels like being “stuck, trapped inside yourself” as you report.

I want to ask you a question: Does the Past Actually Exist Right Now? It’s a serious question. Can you touch it, navigate in it, have lunch in it… What if it didn’t?

Consider if for a good 10 minutes….

How would your life change?

I’m going to blow your mind if you can understand this one fact…reread it if you have to: THE PAST DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE.

It may have existed *once*…but today, it doesn’t. Tomorrow does not exist either.

All that exists is today. Right now. Allow yourself a brief moment – JUST A MOMENT – to take that in. Find some relief. Some lightness in your emotions…

You are not trapped. You do not live there. You live here. You are free. You can’t change something that no longer exists.

Dare to allow yourself to feel that freedom…even for just a moment. Whatever it is, whatever it was. It’s over. Once you know what that feels like, build on that – strive for that. Be the person you would be if you weren’t burdened by it every day. …and seek some real help & therapy to get your thoughts reoriented to the present.

I deserve to be in the present, fully. Not someplace that no longer exists. There is nothing I can do to change the past, it is over and done. Going over it all the time, wondering what I could have changed or said differently, isn’t going to make it any better and it doesn’t help my mental health. I had to learn to shut it all off, once again.

In the past when I was diagnosed with PTSD from the trauma of the house fire I was in, it was a single event I had to deal with. The flashbacks were terrible and there are still nights I wake up feeling like I am falling and I still freeze for a second when I smell wood burning. The smell of wood burning is something I will never forget, it is forever linked to that fire I was in. I fell about 32 feet and even though I don’t remember that, my mind does.

This time, it was different and went on for a long time. The way my doctor described it to me was that once you are diagnosed with PTSD it is lifelong and you can only learn to manage your symptoms, they never go away completely.  This situation just brought all the symptoms back to the forefront. The complex addition, tells it was going on for a long time.

It is from my doctor that I learned of Narcissism for the first time. I started seeing this doctor in mid-Nov 2018 and he read all the documents I would get from Adult Bullies during the HRTO process, as I was seeing him 2 times a week up till February 2020 when the pandemic put it all on hold. I am on a first-name basis with a lot of people who answer for the Mental Health Crisis line, as I called them regularly as well.

I get the impression now that Toxic Adult Bullies don’t really care if anyone else believes what he writes, he is just interested now in affecting me in any way he can, as he knows these sites are online and did affect me. I am waking up and realizing that and with the help of writing out my Story on this site, I am letting it go. Toxic Adult Bullies will do what he wants and is doing things deliberately to try and get under my skin.

The narcissist will try to gain control by questioning the victim’s perception of an event, creating doubt and insecurity in them. They will lie and cause confusion so that a victim’s memory of an event is challenged, creating them to question their own judgement and in the end, even sanity. It is a cruel way of ensuring a deterioration of mental health and an increase of dependency on the narcissist, giving them more power to abuse and inflict pain and cruelty.

Gaslighting is used to confuse you, to create self-doubt. You are being gaslighted when someone tries to convince you:

  1. no the occurrence was not as you recall but as the abuser recalls
  2. although you wish to stress a point because you feel hurt, the way the abuser twists things, you end up apologizing

Soon enough this abuser will cause you to doubt yourself and every decision you take. Or just perhaps you may think that you have lost your sanity!

Re-manipulation – gaslighting is an example of manipulation. The abuser is trying to make you trust other people’s judgement more than your own.

Abusers typically use fear, obligation, and guilt-tripping to manipulate you. When you fear someone, you will be more submissive. You can clearly see the gaslighting in the comments below… I can’t share all of them, it’s too much on their domains, but the below will give you an idea of what to look for. Actually, any words where you see Toxic Adult Bullies blatantly telling you something that I did and the details he gives on it, are gaslighting.

Toxic Adult Bullies states that Stella Reddy ‘is not afraid to try and bully her employers around” “has no problem taking or threatening to take ” and has contentiously lied and upheld these deliberate lies” “Stella Reddy could have”.  All sentences like this are gaslighting, where Toxic Adult Bullies is trying to change the narrative from what it really was, to what he wanted it to be. It was scary to watch all this unfold over those 2 years. Once I got educated, it became less scary but now I see these traits everywhere all around me. It is scary still, as my education made it hard for me to trust others.

You just cannot trust someone who takes the info they gained from you during a legal process and share it online as they have. They took the info I thought was protected under Privacy and shared it on their websites, peppered with their nasty speculations.

The content below, caused severe issues for me with remuneration, as I just could not understand where it was coming from. Seeing so many speculations being made about me and my personal life to such an extent as they did, was mind-blowing and why I got so lost in my head. Fear will do that to you, fear can cause all kinds of issues… All this stuff was sent to the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario and shared publicly on their website contents. Sometimes, I am amazed I am still here, let alone sharing all this myself in my own content after all the weight of toxic shame I experienced.

Thankfully, I can look at these words now and they do nothing, except show me all the traits of Narcissism.

This site was created as an information sharing site to alert the public as to the anti-black and racist behavior of the Stella Reddy 

Stella Reddy is allegedly no longer a Property Manager 

The racist and anti-black quotes below also show how Stella Reddy is not afraid to try an bully her employers around, to get what she wants by making claims against them to the Ministry of Labour.

As you can read in Stella Reddy’s own racist words and behavior. She is shown as a bully who without fear, makes open threatens physical violence, threats of harm to tenants children, uses racial slurs and actions against interracial tenants.

Also as you can also read, Stella Reddy has no problem taking or threatening to take her employers to the Ministry of Labor because she is pissed of at them and does it just out of of retaliation.

All of the pages below contain gaslighting and items I remunerated on for so long… Toxic Adult Bullies is trying to convince not only you, but also myself, that I had a title in my job that I did not, just so he can claim “It will negate her responsibilities and her accountability for her past racist actions and behavior .” How, I have no idea. It don’t matter what job title you have if you do inappropriate things. Every person is accountable for their own actions, including Toxic Adult Bullies,,,,

Although Stella Reddy allegedly claims that that she is not employed by Alto Properties Inc. 

Because Stella Reddy is a compulsive liar and is willing to throw anyone, including her past and current employers under the bus in what appears to be her trying to save her own ass and reputation.

Stella Reddy is willing to deliberately lie, even when confronted with indisputable facts and evidence that shows her to be the liar that she is.

Stella Reddy has contentiously lied and upheld these deliberate lies in her attempt to try distance, justify and deflect from her racist behaviour against interracial married couples / tenants at 859 Kennedy Road.

Let us note that there is absolutely no reason for Stella Reddy to try and lie about her job titleIt makes no difference what her job title was at 859 Kennedy Road.

So for the past two years Stella Reddy has been making the senseless and pointless argument that she was never the property manager at 859 Kennedy, but simple the superintendent.

Now let us take the time to look over the evidence that clearly shows and contradicts Stella Reddy and her I was a superitendent lie.

Let’s look at the Stella Reddy’s own documents and words that prove she was proudly promoting herself as the property manager.

It appears that Stella Reddy is try to use some form of foolishness to deflect everyone from the fact that it is the same thing!

Again one can not be sure as to why Stella Reddy is so concerned about being labelled as a property manger verse superintendent?

What is interesting that Stella Reddy relies upon “ the rules and regulations of property management to speak for ” her, despite she is allegedly just a “ superintendent ”

It should be noted that there is no “ rules and regulations ” specifically labelled with the words “ property management ” that Stella Reddy is referring to.

Why wouldn’t have Stella Reddy said – I use the rules and regulations for superintendents to speak for me?

Could this be a Freudian slip on the behalf of Stella Reddy?

Is this her sub-conscious talking the actual truth about her actual position with Alto Properties Inc.?

Again Stella Reddy has just stated that she manages the property at 859 Kennedy Road. So it appears that she is the property manager, despite her claims she is not.

And yet again, it appears that this is another Freudian slip by Stella Reddy by her sub-conscious who wants to tell the truth.

So we have now been established that for very some strange reason Stella Reddy feels the need to have multiple social media accounts on the same social media platform.

It is clear that for some reason Stella Reddy believes, that if she believes, she has down grading her job title. It will negate her responsibilities and her accountability for her past racist actions and behavior .

But in the end all parties involved are reasonable for the behavior of Stella Reddy.

The interracial married couple / tenants brought the racist behavior of Stella Reddy to the owners Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio attention immediately in a letter. The owners of Alto Properties Inc. Luigi Liscio and Anthony Liscio decided not to address the interracial married couples ( tenants ) concerns, because cheap labor was more important that issues of racism by their staff!

So Stella Reddy claims that she was never the property manager and was the superintendent / janitor. Then what was she the manager of?

  • Was she the manger of garabge pic-up?
  • Was she the manager of grass cutting?
  • Maybe she was the manager for stair-well safety?

You see despite the numerous social media accounts where Stella Reddy loves to brag about her Property Management titles. Or the statements she makes like ” My husband, and I have worked in PROPERTY MANAGEMENT“ Or the endless amounts of time she use the proerty mamngerment email, address and phone number when dealing with Alto Properties business. Stella Reddy wants to continue to claim she was not a property manger.

Just another case of the trivial Stella Reddy lying because she feels cornered and caught in her racist behavior.

Because Stella Reddy claimed to be the Property Manager. City of Toronto Standards Officer Nicole Sweetapple just did not magically give her the title, Stella Reddy used it for herself because that is what Stella Reddy likes to do. Pretend that she is important.

Pure gaslighting below!! Kory Read once again giving his opinions on what “Stella Reddy could have” done.

  1. no the occurrence was not as you recall 

It is clear that Stella Reddy @sredd46 was very upset at this individual who was calling out Donald Trump and his tweet.

1 – Stella Reddy could have retweeted  Donald Trumps original post and attached an “ asshole ” comment to her retweet if the ” asshole ” comment was really meant and directed at Donald Trump.

2 – Stella Reddy could have also just replied or commented directly to the original tweet by Trump on his account @therealdonaldtrump, if the ” asshole ” comment was really meant and directed at Donald Trump.

3 – Stella Reddy could have also attached /included Donald Trumps username @therealdonaldtrump in her comment in the individuals account, on the meme. Which would then notify Donald Trump about her ” asshole ” comment if the ” asshole ” comment was really meant and directed at Donald Trump.

4 – Or Stella Reddy could had just said in plain text in the individuals post  “ Donald Trump is an asshole ” instead of just “ asshole ” if the ” asshole ” comment was really meant and directed at Donald trump.

But Stella Reddy did none of the above, instead Stella Reddy directly commented in the individuals account, on the meme and wrote ” asshole “.

It is clear that it was not meant or directed at Donald Trump. Instead it was direct at the individual who posted the meme as she attached his username to her comment of ” asshole. ” So any person who searches this individuals username will see the meme and the comment left by Stella Reddy. The individual was Kory Read!! 

It is clear that Stella Reddy’s comment of “ asshole “ was directed only at the individual of the meme.  As she makes no attempts to attach the ” asshole ” comment to Donald Trump and is username @therealdonaldtrump in any way.

It appears that Stella Reddy is a strong defender of the racist President Donald Trump as she clearly has come to his defense when the individual  simply heckled the Donald Trump on what appears to be his immigration policies.

Is it that Stella Reddy has the same views as Donald Trump and wants all indigenous individuals or maybe all non-whites to get out of her country?

What we do know is that Stella Reddy is not happy with this individuals meme that mocks her apparently favorite celebrity and President Donald Trump!

And Stella Reddy wants people to believe that she is not a racist, when she is trying to insult individuals with rude and vulgar and explicit language for calling out a inexcusable racist President of the United States of America and his ignorant beliefs, actions and policies. Gaslighting, as I called the owner of the twitter account, whom was Kory Read. a “asshole” period. 

This website is going to compare the racist and anti-black behavior of Mark Meadows to that of Stella Reddy.

Right off the top there are some pretty obvious and similar racist and anti-black behaviors between the proven racist Mark Meadows and Stella Reddy that we will now begin to address.

The evidence, documents and testimony that was present to at the public forum, Landlord and Tenant Board hearing on September 26, 2017 to the racist SJTO member Kevin Lundy was that:

  1. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio provided an email where Stella Reddy stated: They ( the interracial married couple/tenants ) need to learn that just because she is BLACK, they can’t throw out these accusations of racism and bigotry against people
  2. Stella Reddy use racist and anti-black offensive, derogatory, prejudice language and used racist and anti-black physical actions to try and deflect from her own racist and anti-black behavior when she was called out by the interracial married couple / tenants.
  3. Stella Reddy used the offensive, derogatory and prejudice word Newfie on different occasions throughout the public hearing as unwanted harassment to anyone present and/or from Newfoundland. I am a Newfie!! I guess that don’t count to them tho… 
  4. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio portray the female of the interracial married couple / tenants as a stereotypical, ill–mannered, ill– tempered, loud, aggressive, demanding and uncivilized Angry Black Woman. ( Sapphire ) Without every producing a single piece of evidence to support her racist and anti-black behavior.
  5. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio verbally insulted, humiliated, disrespected, embarrassed, degraded and harassed the interracial married couple / tenants throughout the public hearing.  Kory Read & Allison Read did all these things to me too! But of course, none of that counts either…
  6. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio created and filled illegally forged and altered documents as evidence to support a L2 eviction application against the interracial married couple / tenants.
  7. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio created and filled illegally forged and altered documents as evidence to support a L2 eviction application against the interracial married couple / tenants as a way to obstruct of justice.
  8. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio place video cameras that faced the interracial married couple / tenants door.
  9. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio continuously threatened, lied and harassed the interracial married couple / tenants with illegal and invalid legal documents.
  10. Stella Reddy, Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio continuously harassed, threatened and inconvenience the interracial married couple / tenants in hopes they would move out.
  11. The owners Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio were very aware of the interracial married couple / tenants accusations and did nothing to resolve them.
  12. The owners Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio encouraged Stella Reddy and her husband Russell Reddy to continue with their racist and anti-black behavior.

It appears that Stella Reddy and Mark Meadows read from the same pagein the racist playbook of routines.

Well Boo-Hoo Stella Reddy was upset about being called out for her racist and anti-black behavior while working for Luigi Liscio and his son Anthony Liscio at 859 Kennedy Road.

Strategically Stella Reddy immediately starts off by playing The Victim Routine.

Stella Reddy is Boo-Hoo’n over getting hit with these claims of racism and anti-black behavior where a lot ( but not all ) of the accusations are false.

Stella Reddy is quick to try and portray to the racist SJTO member Kevin Lundy that the interracial married couple/ tenants are just a couple of trouble makers who go around throwing unfounded and baseless accusations of racism against Caucasian individuals.

Stella Reddy over the past 3 years has played and regurgitated The Victim Routine on so many different levels on social media, websites, legal documents and with individuals she has spoken too with in hopes of getting pity.

One has to believe that this little performance / routine must have worked well for Stella Reddy in the past. As she has no problem with playing the routine at every chance she gets, even though it is not related.

Next article

July 8, 2021