Forgiveness

I have come to see that forgiveness is a choice and we have to choose what is best for us. There are different aspects to forgiveness and while I can’t seem to forgive these Tenant Bullies fully for what they have done, I can forgive to an extent. It is enough for me to let go and move on, no matter what happened to me in the past…

I am still here, will always be here, free to live my own life and I now know I need not concern myself with words about me written by tenants from a past job I had almost 6 yrs ago. It is history!

I refuse to be held hostage by the actions of these Tenant Bullies from so long ago…

I know now that they too suffer from mental illness, as Narcissism is a mental illness. It causes a person affected to strive for “perfection” and to be accepted as special and deserving of special treatment. They want the adulation of the general public for their altruism of “exposing” so many people and their alleged “bad actions”.

They won’t stop till they get what they feel they want to get from these actions. As they never will, this situation will never end… So I have to end it for myself and do all I can to move on from it and live my own life. It isn’t about me, but about them feeling altruistic!

I forgave myself once I learned about Reactive Abuse. I’ll write about that more in another post…

It is over, there is nothing they can do anymore. They continually left out pertinent information in all their allegations, to the legal systems, and on the internet in all their domains. It is a deliberate act, but over time, these pertinent facts have been exposed. I am good with that. They lied and committed fraud.

I have come to see that they truly believe that have the right to voice their opinions about other people in such a public way, and they truly think that their opinions are important to be seen, and accepted, by others. They strive for public acceptance of what they say otherwise, they wouldn’t have basically the same story on so many domains in different names! They wouldn’t do websites claiming them to be “customer reviews” if they weren’t looking for attention!

My research on Narcissism has shown me it is a mental illness and as such, I am willing to forgive them for some of what they do, their mental illness makes them continue, as they HAVE to be seen!

I don’t do this for them, I do it for myself.

Forgiveness is rather seen as an act of releasing “bitterness and vengeance” while acknowledging the truth, hurt, or wrongdoing.

I had to release the resentment, as it isn’t helping me. I felt stuck in it, waiting for the Criminal Code of Canada to change so I could finally file an official complaint about these sites and finally get some help for them. I got that now. The relief I felt when I did that, is still with me. I feel like a weight has been lifted!

I needed a way to try and right the wrong done to me and my name in order for me to accept this mess and move on. There is an investigation ongoing and even though I may not get the resolution I want, I know I did all I could, and that is good enough for me. I tried.

It was never about vengeance, it was about justice. CyberBullying is wrong.

I was angry too, that these Tenant Bullies were still going with their lies online, even though they lost all legal actions they tried. They show with their actions on the internet in face of so many legal losses, that they are determined to get some accolades from somewhere!

My opinion is that these Bullies get a kick from knowing they have so many degrading websites online filled with their personal opinions, and the delusion that these sites are causing issues for the people named. They think their actions are hurting me and my life.

The contents within their domains, don’t mean anything these days, it is not pertinent anymore, and too much time has passed. Everyone can see this anonymous person is not a part of my personal life to know anything they write.

Everywhere I turn, I am told the same, these anonymous administrators don’t have any influence and their words will do nothing to me. Toxic Adult Bullies have no authority and absolutely no power to make anything come about. I am safe here and always will be. Once I accepted I am safe, I feel a lot better!

I deserve to be happy and I know without a doubt that I am loved, by many people. I have built a really good life here in Newfoundland among other Newfies and am greatly enjoying my retirement! I get to see, smell, and take in all the ambiance of my hometown, and there are absolutely no problems being caused by their domains online in my name. There never will be, I see that now.

I have gone to so many public events here this summer and have had so much fun doing so, with no fear and no anxiety over any of it! I know I can continue now and just enjoy my life and whatever comes.

Next week is our 26th Wedding Anniversary and hubby is off for the whole week. As we couldn’t do much last year for our Silver Anniversary due to Covid-19, we are celebrating it this year instead. He took the whole week off to celebrate and we have a lot of things planned. I am soooo looking forward to it! A week of celebration, of just plain FUN!

I am very happy I can concentrate and enjoy events in my life once again. The thrill and excitement I have been feeling, even over simple things, show I am healing from the abuse I went through. Mindfulness and positive thinking are having a wonderful effect on my mental health! I am healing!

I feel happy, positive, and excited now for my future knowing I am free of Bullies, not just physically, but also mentally.

I have joined a program that starts next month, for arthritis management and looking forward to meeting new people and working on gaining more strength in my legs. It was recommended to me by the Physiotherapist I had for my ankle. I also signed up for the next season of Darts!

There are a few things I am looking at getting involved in here in my local community to expand my horizons a bit and get me out more. I am looking forward to meeting new people and getting involved with other things.

So many beautiful things I can do here to get me out and involved with life and I plan on doing that! No more stuck in the past!!


https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/somatic-psychology/202208/letting-go-hurt

Letting Go of Hurt

Forgiveness can be the first step toward healing our wounds and happiness.

KEY POINTS

  • Without healing our wounds, the path of happiness can be difficult.
  • Forgiving doesn’t mean “forgetting, condoning, or excusing offenses,” or “imply reconciliation, trust, or release from legal accountability.”
  • Imagining that someone apologizes and shows clear remorse can be a tool for forgiveness.

You might have been betrayed, cheated on, broken up with, judged, abandoned, humiliated, taken advantage of, traumatized emotionally or physically by someone, or experienced another painful situation that you struggle to let go of. Your hurt might have turned into feelings such as anger, resentment, depressionanxiety, or jealousy, possibly lingering for years.

Why We Can’t Let Go

Unfortunately, we often can’t let go of our hurt because:

  • We took being hurt personally,
  • Our emotional wounds have not healed yet,
  • We are stuck in trauma mode, or
  • We are having difficulty finding forgiveness for others or ourselves.

To let go of hurt, we need to take the first step toward healing by beginning to address these issues. From my experience as a psychotherapist, I can say that without healing our wounds, the path of happiness can be difficult. Forgiveness is often a necessary step in the healing process or simply the process of finding greater freedom and peace within, although it should not be forced and is everyone’s individual choice.

The Meaning of Forgiveness

There is a broad spectrum of definitions for forgiveness. In the psychotherapy world, forgiving does not mean “forgetting, condoning, or excusing offenses,” nor does it “imply reconciliation, trust, or release from legal accountability,” or hook you into continuing a relationship with someone (Exline et al., 2003, p. 340). Forgiveness is rather seen as an act of releasing “bitterness and vengeance” (e.g., Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; in Exline et al., 2003, p. 339) while acknowledging the truth, hurt, or wrongdoing.

The Inability to Forgive

I know it is difficult to let go and forgive. It may be helpful to frame the process as releasing yourself from the hurt and negativity. You don’t have to say it was OK, just that you are moving on and it might not hurt you so badly anymore. Unfortunately, the inability to forgive can keep us in the “Unforgiveness Zone” that stretches the past into the present moment and allows negative emotions to color every day of our lives, causing emotional and physical stress. There is no timestamp to forgiveness, but holding on to something for years or even decades can keep us stuck in the past (including perhaps old feelings of powerlessness and helplessness) and can drain our energy. Perhaps an incentive or motivation to heal and to let go could be the first step?

Benefits of Forgiveness

Letting go can allow you to enter and inhabit the present moment, relieve stress created by negative thoughts, access newly freed energy, and feel calmer, more peaceful, and grounded. In addition, exiting the “Unforgiveness Zone” can put you in charge of the here and now, the time after the event, and open up room for you to feel more in control and powerful. Please, know that it is important to acknowledge and be with your feelings, and there is a difference between recognizing/observing feelings versus hanging on to feelings and leaving them unresolved. It does not serve you to stay in the Unforgiveness Zone too long, no matter what happened to you. Instead, we need to nurture ourselves, heal our wounds, release negative emotions, and move on when our hurt is sufficiently healed.

Steps to Forgiveness

Following are a few steps you can take to help reclaim your life and heal your unresolved feelings:

  • Be willing to look at why you are holding on to the hurt and what is keeping you stuck in this place.
  • Name and acknowledge your feelings.
  • Nurture and be compassionate with yourself.
  • Be willing to let go of the past because without the willingness you can’t move forward.
  • Imagine an apology, remorse, and restitution (Exline et al., 2003, p. 344).
  • Imagine what life would be like if you were not holding on to those feelings, now and in the future.
  • Reframe the story and possibly see the offender in a different light without avoiding the truth (e.g., Wade & Worthington, 2003; in Exline et al., 2003, p. 344).
  • Be patient with yourself.
  • Know that you deserve to be happy and be loved.
  • Find support in form of a therapist, counselor, self-help books, attending workshops, or whatever works for you if this is difficult to do by yourself.

Forgiveness Used the Incorrect Way

There is a fine line to forgiveness. It can be part of our healing process to let go of hurt, but when forgiveness is used to avoid conflict or repress one’s anger and other feelings (Haaken, 2002; in Exline et al., 2003, p. 342), or forgiveness is feigned out of obligation or conformity, we often can’t harvest the potential mental health benefits from it and might even suffer more.

Studies have shown that tools of forgiveness such as imagining that someone apologizes and shows clear remorse can have physical benefits, too, such as lower heart rates and less physical tension and other stress symptoms (Exline et al., 2003, p. 344). However, forgiving is not always easy or simple and cannot be forced. We each have our own path and can just take one step at a time when the time is right and we are ready.


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